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Hello everyone: Welcome to the 100% funny joke collection to make you (high) laugh for a day!
no.1、
Cleaning up the room in the morning, I accidentally hit my thumb by the wooden box that fell on the table, it was a pain, I was screaming that it hurt, and it was bleeding. At this time, my son, who was playing in the living room, heard the sound and walked in and asked me if it hurt.
I said my feet hurt and they were bleeding.
My son looked at me with contempt and said calmly, "Mom, you are wearing nail polish." After saying that, he stepped on his feet hard and ran away!
no.2、
My wife was on a business trip for a day, and I decided to ask a few friends to go to the bar at night. But thinking that my daughter-in-law may call ** to check the post at night, I searched on the Internet for a lot of common tricks about the wife's post after a business trip.
So I immediately rummaged through the hidden places in the house, and found a piece of denomination RMB under the bedroom mat, I laughed three times and put the money in my pocket and hummed a little song happily went out in style.
In the evening, I really received a call from my daughter-in-law to check the post:"Husband, did you sleep? "
I ran to a quiet place and said:"Slept"
The wife said:"There's a dollar under the mat, and you tell me which side is up? "
Yes! I'm dripping mom, I can't prevent it, this is not a routine! 」
no.3、
When I went to the wedding with my friends, the master of ceremonies just read to the bride, "Ms. Wang Jiajia, are you willing to do it for Li Moumou, whether poor or rich, healthy or sick, ......."Have you always been by his side? At that time, my friend suddenly turned to me and said, "If I get married in the future, I will ask the master of ceremonies to ask like this: whether it is playing cards or drinking, smoking or washing ...... feet in the future."Would you like to stay with me? ”
After saying this, I laughed out loud, and I said without a straight eye: "Get out, you can't cover your mouth when you eat a table, you deserve to be 35 and still single!" ”
Hehe! You're a fucking talent! 」
no.4、
When I was a freshman in high school, a junior high school classmate asked me to help him deliver a love letter and buy me a lot of snacks, and I agreed to him at that time. After he left, I threw the love letter directly into the trash and muttered: "Just the way you look, you still have a face that likes people, not to mention your appearance, and your feet are not as tall as others." ”
A week later, he came to ask me, and I told him, "I gave her a love letter, and she told me to tell you, don't disturb her study in the future!" ”
Now, ten years later, I don't dare to go to every class reunion, because the two of them actually came together for some reason, and I was afraid that he would mention the love letter back then!
no.5、
When I went shopping in the mall today, I just stopped the car and heard someone shouting: "Wang Liting!" Wang Liting! Wang Liting! ”
I was surprised and walked over and asked, "Master, how do you know my name?" ”
The master said, "Who knows your name?" I'm telling you to pull your car in! ”
I was embarrassed at the time, I really don't know why my parents gave me this name at that time? 」
no.6、
I was very bored during the holidays, so I came to the martial arts gym to sign up to learn boxing.
The boss looked at me and said:"Our boxing class is mostly boys. Even if there are girls who are children, seeing that you are also an adult, and you are so old to learn boxing, I am still the first time to see you, who will dare to marry you in the future? "
I said wittily at the time"When the old lady learns boxing, I will see who dares not to marry me! "
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death! 」
no.7、
My grandmother has always liked to call me "dog" since I was a child, and it may not sound good, but it is still quite kind.
I remember one time, my grandmother took me to the vegetable market to buy vegetables, and when I arrived at the pork shop, my grandmother asked, "Boss, do you still have a waist flower?" “
The uncle pointed and said, "Yes, it's very fresh."
Grandma looked at it and said, "How did you buy this waist flower?" ”
The uncle said, "40 pounds." ”
I took my grandmother's hand and motioned for her to buy it.
So my grandmother said to the boss, "Okay! Just buy this, who told my dog to like to eat. ”
At this time, the uncle who sold meat said in a daze: "Auntie, your dog eats so well!" ”
I was young at the time, but I could still understand it, and I felt so embarrassed in an instant!
no.8、
Seeing that it is often said on the Internet that "men become bad when they are rich", I asked my husband at the time: "If you have money in the future, will you not want our mother." “
The husband immediately replied, "How so? That's impossible. “
I was satisfied with my husband's answer, and was about to praise him a few words, but he continued: "With a daughter-in-law like you, it's hard for me to get rich!" “
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death! 」
no.9、
A month ago, I chatted with a girl on the Internet, and we had a good chat, so I made an appointment to meet at noon.
After meeting, the girl looked me up and down and said, "As soon as I saw you, I knew that Ling Tang must be a loving mother!" ”
When I heard this, I was immediately a little happy, and replied modestly: "*How do you see it?" ”
The girl sighed and said faintly: "As the saying goes, a loving mother is a loser!" ”
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even speak!
no.10、
Last night, after running and pressing my legs, a boy came up to me and asked for my mobile phone number, which I refused.
When I got back, I immediately told my brother, "AhhhToday, several men asked me for my ** number, you can not always say that I can't get married, since I lost weight, someone has taken the initiative to talk to me. ”
Unexpectedly, my younger brother said: "Sister, why don't you exercise during the day, at night, the lights are blind, who can see your face." ”
I roared, ", get out of here, get out of here!" ”
My brother keeps making fun of me, and I'm really speechless!
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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