The fact that marital happiness is not necessarily related to the reorganization of the family seems to me to be nonsense. My second husband and I have been together for eight years full of love and warmth. During this time, we have never let a quarrel break the peace of life due to disagreement. On the contrary, we always solve any problem with a consultative attitude, so that life is full of happiness. I often share our happiness in my circle of friends, which makes my friends and family feel envious, and they praise me for finding a good partner.
However, lately my mood has been low, and the reason is that something happened at home that made me wonder if my second husband really loved me all these years. This made me worry about the future and even think about whether to give it a go. The root of the problem lies in a house.
There was a 7-year marriage, and she broke up with her ex-husband because of long-term separation and personality incompatibility. After the breakup, our two children followed their parents separately, the son divorced his ex-husband, and the daughter belonged to me. Later, when I became an adult at the age of 33, I met my current husband, who was the same age, compatible with personality, and financially independent. His marriage had also been divorced by his ex-wife's mistakes of principle.
We quickly fell in love and entered the palace of marriage a year later. At the beginning of his marriage, he took his son with him, while his ex-wife raised her daughter. In our regrouped family, a man and a woman treat each other with affection. My daughter is 5 years old and his son is 7 years old and we have a lot of love for each child.
A few years after our first marriage, we discussed whether we wanted to have another child in common. But after careful consideration, we decided that having a son and a daughter is enough, and having another one will require more mental and financial resources, and we are all in our 30s, and we don't want to bear too much for the sake of our children. Therefore, we resolutely decided not to have children again. After all, the work is single, and it is no longer possible to take on new life responsibilities.
We were facing some family issues that were frustrating me. Maybe this marriage is just a moment in the process, and I need to face it calmly and believe that our love can overcome everything. Time flies, and eight years have passed in the blink of an eye. During this time, our family lived very happily, and the two children were like our own children, and the house was filled with laughter.
The title of father and mother became sweet, and I used to think that his son was mine, and my daughter was also his daughter, and we were never separated. In the past 8 years, every day has been spent in happiness. However, this happy day stopped with the problem of a commercial house.
Last year, my second husband and I bought a commercial house in the name of husband and wife, and it was the only one of our own. At that time, we co-financed the down payment on the house, and although he contributed more than me, I didn't deliberately fight for more, because my salary was limited, mainly for my daughter and me's salary, and I didn't have much savings.
In contrast, the salary of the second husband is much higher, and he has 10,000 yuan a month for his and his son's expenses. When buying a house, he also made a larger down payment. However, the name of the house is written on both of us, which has always been a solid reason for me, and at the same time makes me feel that he is a reliable man.
However, this year, something suddenly happened that shocked our happy life. The second husband proposed that he wanted to transfer the house to his son when he was 18 years old as a future marriage house. He said that he would work hard to pay off the mortgage in the next three years and transfer the mortgage to his son in the future. This proposal displeased me.
I retorted, "This house is the joint property of our husband and wife!".How can you transfer the ownership to your son alone?If you turn the house into your son's marriage house, you can, but you don't need to transfer it to his name, and we can go to your hometown to care for the elderly when we are old, we may not be able to live in this house, but it is unreasonable to transfer it to your son. We may not be there in the future, but we can't let the house become his personal property.
However, the second-married husband insisted on his opinion, and he thought that after two or three years, it was natural to transfer the house to his son. So we've been arguing over this issue for a long time. I felt that there was no way to go on with the stalemate, so I communicated with him. No matter what I said, he didn't change his mind. In desperation, I finally proposed, "As long as you insist on transferring the house to your son, we will sell it and divide it," and then each went their separate ways. ”
However, my second-married husband, who clearly expressed his desire to separate from me, became emotionally cold and no longer actively participated in household chores. We used to laugh and spend time together, but now he seems to be cold to me and doesn't even care about married life anymore. It made me feel lonely and my self-esteem was frustrated.
To make matters worse, his attitude towards mortgages also started to worry me. It's been two days since the mortgage, and I've urged it twice, but I haven't received a clear response. I only have 3,000 yuan a month, and I have to take care of my daughter, so I can't afford the mortgage on my own. At the third urging, he made a suggestion that I found unacceptable: "It's okay to use my money, and then we still have half of the mortgage left, or you can borrow all the down payment, and I will pay the rest of the mortgage myself." ”
This struck me because it was clearly an unrealistic proposition. I refused, but he threatened: "Since you have no ability to repay the loan, then I will desperately repay the mortgage, and after my son is 18 years old, he threatened: "Since you have no ability to repay the loan, then I will desperately repay the mortgage, and after my son is 18 years old, the house must be given to him by the head of the household." ”
I was shocked by the sheer state of the situation. We have spent 8 years together, and there is such a big conflict because of the problem of the house. I offered to transfer the property later, but he still insisted on waiting until his son was 18 years old. This made me start to doubt the feelings between us.
Looking back, I gradually understood that there may be several reasons why my second husband distrusts me so much: First, we have no children in common, and the lack of common concern has become one of the reasons for our estranged relationship. Secondly, we are not the original match, which may make him worry about the ownership of the house in the future. He's wary that I might take a different approach to the property and worry about what might happen in the future.
This series of questions confused me and made me doubt our feelings. Perhaps we need more communication and understanding to solve the current dilemma. If we were the original match, he would never have this kind of thought. In the case of the original match, whether I have a household registration or not, it will not be used as my son's marriage house, he may tell me in advance to pay attention to the issue of protecting my pension. But now the situation is different, because the son is not common to us, and the nature of the problem has completely changed.
This is human nature, and it is also a practical problem that is difficult to reach an agreement in a second marriage. No matter what time it is, the relationship of the second-married couple will eventually be affected by interests. Although the second-married family may be happy on the surface, it is only a superficial phenomenon, once the child divorces, when the paternal line and property of the other party are involved, the supremacy of interests will become dominant. In the heart of a second-married man, feelings become insignificant. This is the difference between a second-married man and a second-married woman, who almost stand on different pillars.
When the second-married man is weighing the benefits, the second-married woman is deeply confused about whether she is truly loved. This is the difference between men and women when facing the problem of second marriage, realistic and worrying. Although I rationally dissected the psychology of my second husband, his actions still made me feel the pain of my skin. This pain, like a sharp knife, pierced deep into my heart.