Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Husband and Wife Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
My wife always chatters before going to bed, which makes me very unhappy, and I can't even sleep quietly after a tiring day. I told her to go to bed early and have to go to work tomorrow, but after chattering for a while, my wife scolded me: "Are the doors and windows in the house closed?"”
I said at the time: "Honey, except for your chatterbox, everything that should be closed is closed." ”
Hahaha, I'm laughing to death: Except for your chatterbox, everything that should be closed is closed!）
My husband and I had just gotten married, and one day he was still sleeping, so I got up early in the morning and started doing laundry.
It made me angry at the time!
My wife said to me:"If one day, we really quarrel, can you hold back your anger and hug me, we are lovers, not enemies.
I was so angry that I said:"Hug?At that time, you were harder to press than a pig for the New Year!”
The husband said, "Wife, I killed 10 flies just now, 4 males and 6 females."
The wife said, "I don't believe it, how can you distinguish between a male and a female fly?"”
The husband said, "It couldn't be simpler, the male is killed on the drinking utensils, and the mother is killed on the mirror."
At that time, I laughed so hard that my wife didn't want to, and I kept scolding me for being a dead ghost!
One day, while watching TV on the sofa, my wife suddenly came up to me nervously and asked, "Husband, do you know that your lucky color is purple?"“
Husband: "I don't know?."“
Wife: "Because every time I beat you, as long as it is purple, I won't fight." “
Husband: "Oh!“
The wife said angrily: "I know that I don't want to cook!."“
That's when I was cooking.
Hahaha, you're a fucking rake ear!）
It's been 5 days since I got married to my wife, and now it's more than 10 o'clock in the evening, and my wife hasn't come home yet, so I asked: "Hey, wife, are you working overtime?"”
The wife hesitated for a moment, and then said, "I forgot to marry you, I'll go back to my parents' house." ”
I cried and laughed!
There are a few classmates in the class who like to give their classmates nicknames, and if your surname is Zhang, you will be called "Lao Zhang";If the surname is Li, you will be called "Lao Li", a universal match, as long as you add the word "old" in front.
One day, the female classmate I had a crush on for two years also called me by my nickname: "Old Gong, lend me your pen." “
Ah, I feel so nostalgic for that feeling, this nickname has surprised me for three years, and now I want to go back to junior high school, what a group of wives and concubines.
Wow!Lao Gong, husband, hehe, it's a little interesting)
After the wife finishes putting on her makeup, she asks her husband, "Am I pretty?"”
The husband closed his eyes and said, "Beautiful!."”
The wife said, "Pretty is beautiful, why do you close your eyes?"”
The husband said, "I'm afraid to open my eyes and tell nonsense." ”
Soon after my daughter-in-law and I got married, my mother set some rules, and I ran to the room and said to my daughter-in-law, "Wife, my mother said that it is forbidden to eat junk food at home in the future!".”
The daughter-in-law said, "Why is your mother doing so much!."”
I said again: "Our mother also said that you can't blow the air conditioner to sleep at night!."”
The daughter-in-law held her mouth and said, "Your mother has a lot of things!."”
I was about to speak again, but my daughter-in-law preemptively said, "What did your mother say again?"“
I said proudly, "My mom said she was going to buy a suite in Beijing!"”
At this time, my daughter-in-law put down the snacks in her hand and asked me, "...... your mother."Did our mom really say that?“
I nodded, and my daughter-in-law continued: "Husband, turn off the air conditioner and sleep." “
This daughter-in-law is really a money fan, she eats every day without some means, goes to bed late, marries into my family, is 180 pounds, and walks with mountains and shakes
At night, my wife and I sat on the sofa watching TV, and my wife asked me, "Dear, if I am blind one day, will you take care of me for the rest of my life!".”
I scratched the bridge of her nose: "Of course I am!".”
The wife said, "Honey, I can't see now, can you make today's dinner?" “
You, the tricks you ask me to cook are really endless!Brothers, I feel that my family status can't be kept, my daughter-in-law grinds hard every day, and I can't be ruthless to talk back, forget it, let's cook.
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