Behind every depressed child, there is often a virgin .

Every time I talk about the symptoms of "omnipotent narcissism", there will always be parents of depressed children who say, yes, yes, yes, our children are like this:

Low self-esteem and narcissism, feeling that he is a god, demanding everything to revolve around him, striving for perfection.

Poor resilience and anger as long as the world doesn't run exactly the way it wants.

After being angry, he felt helpless, avoided interpersonal relationships, and was reluctant to go to school. Addicted to games, the schedule is reversed.

In psychology, people who have an all-powerful narcissistic psychology are called"Giant Baby".

Today we will talk about the "giant baby" and see how the giant baby is raisedIt is recommended to spend 5 minutes to read the following text, which may help you solve a lot of confusion.

Behind the giant babies is a virginFirst of all, explain the origin of the word "giant baby".

Wu Zhihong, a famous psychologist, wrote a book called "Giant Baby Country", which said that a considerable number of people in China are giant babies.

Adults who are psychologically trapped at the level of babies are defined as macrobabies. The specific labels are:Dependent, selfish, narcissistic, very low resilience, independencePoor.

Let's take a look at these labels, are they very similar to the popular noun "Ma Bao Nan" in recent years?Yes, "Ma Bao Man" is a kind of giant baby.

Giant babies have one thing in common:Behind each giant baby stands an omnipotent Madonna.

Here, Our Lady refers only to the Mother in general, not just to the Mother, but to the parents or nurturers.

There is no doubt that parents love their children. But it is this "unbearable weight of life" that has made the child grow up from childhood to adulthood, and again and again, by his mother with the knife of "maternal love", carved into a fragile, dependent, irresponsible, and assertive appearance.

In 2019, there was a hit TV series "It's All Good".

The mother of Su in the play is a more typical virgin. Not only her two sons are her works, but even her husband Su Daqiang is included.

The death of Su's mother made the Su family lose order and become a mess. Several giant babies lost the care and management of the Virgin Mary and grew up passively in a panic.

Su's mother poured the most effort into her youngest son Su Mingcheng, so he was the most powerful "giant baby". On the contrary, the unpopular daughter Su Mingyu grew up independently because she was far away from Our Lady, but became the most promising child in the family.

Seeing this, you may think that Our Lady is the loving mother in "a loving mother with many defeated children", who destroyed her children because of doting.

You're only half right. Among the Virgins, the doting type is only a small part. There is also a more prevalent type – the Control Madonna.

Many parents understand the dangers of spoiling their children, and they often remind themselves in their lives that they can't spoil their children, but in the end, they go in the opposite direction.

These Virgins are not obedient to their children, but they want their children to be obedient to them.

Our Lady of ControlLet's take a look at how the Virgin of Control was born

After the birth of a child, many mothers find a new "center of gravity". They are estranged from their husbands, distracted by their careers, give up their lives, and completely share their joys, sorrows, and sorrows with their children.

It can be said that the future of children is their future.

At this time, all the value of the mother no longer comes from the relationship between husband and wife, no longer from social relations, and not from herself, but only from her children.

If the child is good, I will be good, and if the child is bad, I will be bad, and I will only live for the child from now on."

The German psychologist Hellinger had a theory that in family relationships, the importance of each relationship is ordered. To put it simply, the relationship between husband and wife should come before the parent-child relationship.

If the mother only pays attention to the child and is estranged from the father, it often leads to an imbalance in the family relationship and many problems.

Some people may say: Isn't it good to pay too much attention to the parent-child relationship?Aren't children being taken care of more?

On the surface, the child seems to be happier, but in reality it is not.

Let's take a look at the story:

It was pouring rain.

The mother found out that her son did not bring an umbrella and was very worried. She thought that her son had just graduated from college and just went to work, and it was a stressful time, so if she didn't bring an umbrella, what would she do if she caught a cold in the rain?It also delays work.

Therefore, the mother worked very hard to take the bus for 5 stops and delivered the umbrella to the child's unit.

However, in the cold heavy rain, the moment the mother handed the umbrella to her son, she clearly saw the disgust on his face.

The son complained, "What are you doing here?" ”

Mom said angrily, "I'm not coming, you can't get drenched?."”

Seeing this, our first reaction will be that our son is so ignorant and doesn't understand his mother's hard work.

Looking at this from the mother's own point of view, she will feel that she is a great mother, a mother who is willing to give for her children.

But from the son's point of view, it's a different matter.

Will my son think, I'm all at work, and I can't take care of myself?Do you still need your own mother to deliver an umbrella in the rain?What will others think?

Therefore, the son will only feel guilt and shame from this incident, and feel that he does not even have the most basic ability to survive.

In many cases, this is how conflicts arise between adults and their parents.

This feeling of the child is invisible to the mother, or she is blind. She will be even more touched by her actions.

Our Lady never asks her son if he needs it, she only thinks he should do it. Only by doing so will you feel at ease and comfortable.

They always feel that their children have not grown up and refuse to acknowledge the fact that their children will grow up.

If one day, the child grows up and wants to fly on his own, it will be difficult for Our Lady to accept the separation.

Between the Virgin and the giant baby, it is not only the baby that needs to be taken care of by the mother, but also the mother who needs to take care of the child.

No one can do without anyone.

Psychologically, this is calledSymbiosis

Almighty narcissistic MadonnaOur Lady devotes all her energy to the child, hoping to take care of everything. This kind of arrangement, in form, is not necessarily spoiling, but more likely control.

They think that their children are still young and that what they are doing is meaningless. If the child does it on their own, it just doesn't fit their values.

At this time, the child is generally not encouraged, but will be scolded.

When the son puts the glass on the table, the mother may say, "Why do you put it here, you should put it there." ”

When my daughter writes her homework, she will say, "You are too close to the book, how many times have you said it?".”

If she is not satisfied with the girlfriend that her son brought home, her mother will say, "If you don't listen to us, there will be a time for you to cry in the future." ”

In the cartoon, his mother loves Xiao Baozi meticulously, but she doesn't want him to grow up.

Baozi has a girlfriend, and her mother is very unhappy. When Baozi finally left the house, her mother's world completely collapsed.

The most vivid picture is that the mother swallowed the bun in one gulp, and then cried bitterly.

It seems that the child needs her very much, but in fact she needs the child more.

But many mothers are not aware of this, and will always discipline their children in the name of "I am for your good".

In fact, parents who control their children are trying to get a narcissistic experience that is deeply hidden. Behind those controls, it seems to be anxiety, but in essence, it is the narcissistic psychology of parents who are at work.

If it just so happens that Our Lady is unable to establish intimate relationships with others outside, the child becomes a lifesaver for her. They tend to control their children more harshly.

Because she wants to find that sense of existence and value from her children.

As a result of the control, it is difficult for the child to grow into himself, and he will become a puppet without will, or a Spartan who will rise up to resist.

Children who are controlled to grow up desperately want to break free, always trying to prove in front of their parents that they have grown up and are recognized.

But the feeling of parents is that their children are rebellious and always do it.

Then I came to a conclusion: this child is too willful and never grows up.

Is it because the child does not grow up, or does the parents not want to see the child grow up?

Or, if you don't grow up the way your parents do, you don't grow up.

Absent incognito fatherThere is no sense of boundary between the Virgin and the Giant Child. The child's business is the mother's business.

Therefore, the family needs the father to step up and intervene between the mother and the child to separate the two a little. That's why it's said: dads play a vital role in their children's bravery, independence.

Therefore, behind the giant baby, there is not only a virgin, but also an absent father. Of course, the father here also refers to the caregiver in general.

In the TV series "It's All Good", the cowardly Su Daqiang is completely ** in the child's education and cannot play a separate role. Such a native family caused two sons who "coexisted" with Su's mother, Mingcheng and Mingzhe, with poor independence and insufficient commitment.

And daughter Mingyu doesn't need her father to separate, because Su's mother is far away from her. Therefore, Mingyu is more assertive and responsible than the two elder brothers.

Of course, Our Lady controls the giant child, and the giant child is also exploiting the Virgin.

Look at the society, there are so many gnawing old people, you can understand the reasons behind it. Children who grow up under the strong control of their parents grow up physically, not mentally. Therefore, parents are inevitably subject to the backlash of control.

At this point, I have made a brief analysis of the relationship between the Virgin and the giant baby.

As a parent, you may wish to compare yourself to see if there are any characteristics of the Virgin:

"I don't allow my children to leave themselves, and once they do, they don't think about it. ”

"Seeing that my child is falling behind in Xi, I am anxious and can't sleep. All kinds of assumptions, the child's future is lagging behind. I can only discipline him with all my strength, and I don't hesitate to quarrel and get angry. I'm doing it for his good!”

"What's the matter with a girl working outside?She must be brought back and find a partner quickly. Working next to us and taking care of her. She will be grateful to us in the future!”

"My son is too kind, and he won't look at people when he finds a partner. I could see that this girl was definitely destined for her son. I can't let my son go into this pit!”

Because, all the love in the world is for getting together, but the love of parents is for parting.