Whether the child has a sense of security
Pay attention to these 3 detailsSome people say that insecure children will have these three characteristics:They are preoccupied and overly anxious;They love to be disruptive and do everything they can to attract attention;They seldom speak, and they are afraid to do things because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing ......In fact, if you think about it carefully, not only children, but also adults, how many people have a sufficient sense of security. How we envy those who have a sense of security, who are brave enough to try, who are not afraid to make mistakes, and who do whatever they want, unlike most people, who are always hesitating, always waiting, and always missing ......So how can we improve our child's sense of security?
How to feel safer:
Give your child a "network".A healthy person who dares to face social pressures. For example, when my family had no money, I would go outside and get food. I think I can get a job and get an income. But there are many people who feel very unsafe outside, so they put up a high wall to protect themselves. So how do you give your child a sense of security?Then you need to stand behind the child and give him a network of "relationships". I often say that a man has to climb to a high place, and if he does not have a net to hold him, he will not dare to climb to a high place. The relationship between parents and children is such a net. For example, when I went to the sea in the 90s, my mother was very against it because she was a very insecure person. She thinks that after finally studying in college, she must hold an iron job. Because in our time, college graduation was assigned on a package, and although the assigned job couldn't support me, I was paid a fixed salary every month. But I couldn't get through that hard life anymore, so I went to the sea. My mother was very much against it, but my father would give me encouragement. He said, it doesn't matter if you go out, there are still a few acres of land at home, and it's a big deal to go home. There is a bowl of porridge at home that has at least half a bowl of yours. My father's assurances reassured me. Just like when an acrobat first starts walking a high-rope walk, if there is no net underneath, he will be very worried, it will be difficult for him to complete some difficult movements. So this is the relationship, and the core of the relationship is the relationship between the parent and the child. But unfortunately, many parents now say to their children, if you don't mix up outside, you don't go back to this home, you don't tell others that you are my son and daughter. Without this net, he would not have the courage to take risks, just like a new acrobat, he has no way to walk a tightrope in the sky. Because he can fall at any time and be crushed to pieces. So the psychologist Adler also believes that if a person does not have a good relationship, he will not be happy. Because when a person's interpersonal relationship is broken, or in other words, a child's relationship with his parents is broken, then he will lack a sense of strength. Therefore, when a child is frightened and insecure about the unfamiliar environment, the thing parents should do is to stand firmly behind him and give him an acceptance, instead of criticizing him for "why are you so cowardly". If he said these words, he would become more and more insecure, and his whole world would collapse. The people a child trusts most are his parents, and if even his parents don't accept him, he really has nowhere to go. 
How to feel safer:
Give children a good life scriptIt is impossible to go back to when a child was younger and change his sense of security again. But we can change a person's confidence in themselves, this is calledSelf-worthSelf-worth is also a personThe script of life。Because when a person has faith in himself, he will have strength, he will feel safe. What does self-worth come from?It is one's own subjective evaluation of oneself. This kind of subjective evaluation, in the child's stage, usually comes from the parents, so if the parents can give the child more praise, can appreciate the child's strengths, and can give the child more encouragement, the child will slowly start to build enough confidence. With enough confidence, he will feel that there is nothing to fear in this world. Some parents will say to their children: stupid, your brain is in water, why can't you do this well, what can you do in the future?Wreckage!When children listen to it a lot, they will gradually agree that they are a stupid person, a person with a brain in water, and of course they are afraid to do anything. But when a child is growing up, his parents keep telling him: you are great, you are a talented person, and you will definitely achieve great things in the future. If you say too much, the child will internalize: I'm great, I may achieve great things in the future, I'm not an ordinary person, I'm a person who does great things. He naturally has a lot of security. 
How to feel safer:
Make your child feel needed
For example, parents can let their children make some contributions to the family, even if they brush a bowl, or their mother's mobile phone does not know how to operate, let the child operate, and the child will feel that he is valuable, "I am useful". Don't underestimate the feeling of being "needed". Today's children get a lot of love, but they don't "get needed". Because his parents told him to "study hard Xi just do it, and you don't have to do anything. If he gets good grades, he thinks, "Well, I'm still valuable," because I did well on the exams. But if he doesn't get good grades, he will feel that "I'm a waste", "I can't do anything", "I can't do exams, I can't contribute anything to my family." "It's like a lot of old people are retired, if you don't have to do anything for him, just watch TV at home and brush your phone. There is a high probability that he will be unhappy, and it will even seriously affect his lifespan. Why?Because he feels like a piece of shit. So he will use his way to get himself out of this world as soon as possible, which is "chronic suicide". What is chronic suicide?He makes himself sick, and he allows himself to attack himself emotionally. It's the same with children. In the past 26 years, I have taken on too many cases of teenagers, many of these cases are depression, some are wrist cutting and even suicide, and they are brought to me by their parents. Parents love their children very much, but the reason why children have problems is because there is one dimension missing, and there is no way to make children feel needed. If you want your child to have fewer psychological problems, then it is necessary to build up his "feeling of being needed" and make him feel that he is valuable and that he can contribute to the world. In this way, there is a sense of value and a sense of security.