Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to the "Joke Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a Happy New Year!）
When I went shopping today, I passed by a storefront, and the plaque read: Tmall physical store, free delivery when you enter the door.
I was secretly happy, and walked in and asked the boss, what do you give for free?
The boss glanced at me and said: Buy something and send a smile, don't buy anything to send a guest!
The boss of the company is a big fat man of more than 200 pounds, and people outside call him fat, and once several colleagues chatted together.
A colleague gossiped and said, "Do you know that our boss has succeeded recently?"”
All I knew was that the boss was famously fat, greedy, gluttonous, and greedy, and we all looked at him curiously and asked, "How did you know?".”
He said: "When I went to his office today to hand in the information, I saw that he could stilt his legs!."”
Huh?Fat people can't stilt their legs, how fat is that!
When I went home, I met a suspicious strange man in the corridor, walking in front of me, feeling that the chatter was not normal, and he was walking and chanting. Take a step and shout in your mouth"Wow!"Take another step and shout:"Hah!"Then he stomped his foot so hard that I didn't dare to get too close.
After he repeated 'ho-ha-stomp' a few times, I finally understood, so I walked up to him and said to him:"Big brother, don't bother, the voice-activated light is broken. "
I just graduated from junior high school, my grades are super poor, I have nothing to do at home, my father has been looking at me unpleasantly recently, and threatens to separate from me, and my mother always advises me to go out and find a class.
On this day, I took advantage of my parents' noon not being at home, sneaking home to find something to eat, just didn't get two bites, only to hear my father's voice outside: "You are not allowed to eat, give it to me." ”
I was instantly frightened, I hated it, my dad was too ruthless.
As a result, I rushed out only to find my dad saying to the pigsty, "Don't eat it, let me go." ”
AhhLooks like I should go out and get a job, or I can't stand it!
Tonight I asked my roommate to come back to eat hot pot, my roommate said that I wanted to accompany my friends, I ate alone, I had a lot of leftovers, my brain pumped the leftover hot pot soup to the toilet, it was blocked, and the small sausage and shrimp balls with vegetable leaves were everywhere, helpless, I took chopsticks, squatted in front of the toilet and fished and clamped, and then my roommate just came back:"I heard that I will eat hot pot tonight
yes", I turned my head, only to see my roommate covering his mouth and looking at me in surprise!
When my wife came home on Sunday, I thought I would be free to sleep in and play games with my friends when I woke up.
But when I got up, I found a note left by my wife on the bedside tableHoney, the power is out today, you wash those dirty clothes with your hands, and clean them again.
When I saw that there was no electricity, I said that it would be good to do some work, and I could still exercise.
In the afternoon my wife came back and smiled contentedly at the fruits of my labor, and then I watched as she closed the switch.
I was playing a game while charging, and my mother said, "Don't be so easy to use your phone**".
I said "It's okay" and continued to play.
Suddenly, the house became dark, and my father rushed to me and pointed at me, "Why are you so disobedient, you are to blame, I just started the game." ”
I said, "What are you yelling at me for, it's my mother's electric switch." ”
Dad said: Who am I yelling at if I don't yell at you?Do I dare to yell at your mother?
When I was in junior high school, my tablemate pointed to the flesh line on the inner elbow of my arm and said, "This is called ** line, and the woman with this is **."
As a result, my mother and I took the bus in the afternoon, and I had no seat but to pull the lever, and I suddenly saw that my mother had a meat line in her arm, and said happily and loudly: "Mom, you are **."
I was happy with my erudition, but my mom was sweating profusely and the whole car was looking at me and my mom!
Boss, are you sweet melon?”
The boss was silent.
What's the matter with you, a melon seller, such a service attitude?Ask you if the melon is sweet, other people's are sweet, if you are not sweet, I will buy other ones!”
The boss was silent.
Why don't you talk about it, you melon seller?”
The boss couldn't help but scold: "Get out!."Have you ever seen bitter gourd be sweet?”
The son asked his father, "Dad, why don't I have any brothers and sisters?"“
After hearing this, my father, who was reading the newspaper, became angry and roared, "Who told you not to go to bed early?"“
This kid always goes to bed late, which affects me and my wife's errands!）
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