Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to the "Joke Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a Happy New Year!）
When I was in elementary school, I loved to sleep in class, and I wrote an essay on the homework assigned by the teacher in Chinese class, the topic was (if I were a spider), and I asked my classmates after class.
At night, I racked my brains at home and wrote an article "If I Were a Pig".
Later, later I was on fire at school!
Early in the morning, the daughter asked her wife: "Mom, I also want to have a husband, can you lend your husband to me for a day?"”
The wife thought about it and nodded in acquiescence.
My daughter turned her head and hugged my arm and said coquettishly: "Husband, many classmates in our class have ** watches, can you buy them for me too?"”
I just chatted with a colleague and talked about his child, playing with building blocks in kindergarten, everyone is piled up into a house or something, but this child put the blocks into a long strip.
The teacher came over and asked, "What is this?"”
The kid pushed forward: "Huh." ”
This kid is a genius, and he will be indispensable on the mahjong table in the future).
I've been married to my husband for almost a year, and today I found out that the WeChat name he gave me a note was actually "Seven Sons", I was angry, and he still had 6 women outside, I pulled up my ears and asked him: "What does this Seven Sons mean?".“
He said in a hurry: "The seventh son is the meaning of the wife!."“
I said, "You fart, if you don't make it clear, you'll get a divorce." “
As a result, he explained: "I saw it on Douyin.
The wife is the King Kong gourd baby!When beating her husband, she can be a big baby: the power is infinite;When gossiping, it can be a second baby: clairvoyance and ears;Shopping is the three babies: there is a body that is not bad;When angry, it can be four babies: the mouth breathes fire;It's five babies when she's spoiled: drown you with tears;When it comes to doing housework, it becomes a six-baby: immediately incognito;And she also has the treasure gourd of seven babies: suck up all her husband's bonus salary!Therefore, the wife is also called the seventh son (wife). “
The husband continued: "That's why I gave you the "seven sons" of the note. ...It hurts, you tap!”
One girl asked me to send her a courier and gave me an empty cardboard box for me to pack. I asked her curiously, "Who is this addressed to?" She said, "A guy I've liked for a long time."
I was puzzled and asked, "But there's nothing in there."
"There are things that only I can see," she said. “
When I heard this, I was even more confused, and asked her mysteriously what it was
"Wishful thinking," she said. ”
I had breakfast just now, ordered a bowl of hot and sour noodles, and after eating a bite, I felt that it was not sour enough, and I added a little vinegar, but it was still not sour enough, and I added some more, but I still felt that it was not sour enough. When I picked up the vinegar bottle for the third time, the big brother at the table opposite couldn't help but speak: "This is my Coke!."You leave me a little !!
After confessing to the girl, she said, "Stay where it's cool!".”
I said, "Please make it clear." ”
I don't understand it yet, the two of us can't be together, how can I fall in love with you!”
No, I'm asking you to point you to a cool place. ”
Shopping malls with girlfriends, I saw a mink coat that was particularly good-looking, and my girlfriends wanted to buy itI stuck out my tongue in fright, only to see my best friend calmly walk to the fitting room, I hurriedly whispered to stop her: You are crazy, so expensive, just look at it, we can't afford it!My girlfriend didn't listen to me, and after a while, she came out in a mink coat, and she whispered to me, turn on the beauty camera and take a few more pictures of me!After I finished filming and sent it to her, my girlfriend said to the salesperson that the mink coat was a little too fat and inappropriate, so I took it off!When we came out of the mall, my girlfriend immediately posted on Moments: Happy shopping, another day full of harvest!
A pair of male and female classmates went to the movies, and in the movie theater, the male classmates' hands quietly reached behind the chairs and gently hugged the female classmates. The female classmate did not struggle, and whispered softly in his ear".My heart is beating so hard that I don't believe you touch it.
He laughed and said, "I understand physiology, pulse and heart rate are the same, come and I'll give it to you."Take a pulseThese two goods!）
Today, after work, the addiction to smoking came up, and smoking was not allowed in the factory, so I took out a cigarette and put it in my mouth to go out and then light it, at this time the security guard shouted to me: "Alas, alas, then who are you smoking in the factory?".”
Didn't I order it yet? ”
Didn't click it?Then you go to the street and know that you can't defecate in the open, and you have to take off your pants and play there?”
If you like it, follow me, more hilarious jokes will make you happy every day!