Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Family Jokes Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a Happy New Year!;It's cold, so keep warm!）
When I got home from overtime today, I was about to drink some coffee, and when I opened the cabinet and found that all the coffee was gone, I asked my mother, "Mom, where is the coffee I put in the cabinet?"”
Mom said, "I threw it away!".”
I said angrily, "Why are you throwing my coffee when you're fine?"”
The old mother yelled loudly: "You don't know that dogs can't drink coffee?"”
I asked curiously, "When did we get a dog?"”
My mother looked at me and said, "I think about it, I've been raising it for several years."
I thought about it, but I didn't figure it out overnight, and the next day I asked my colleague, and my colleague said, "Your mother is urging you to get married."
That's when I woke up!
Dad sat on the sofa and read the newspaper, looked at it and made a "flutter" sound, laughed, and said: "The current newspaper is pure nonsense. ”
I asked, "What did you say?"
Dad said, "I said that the leftover beer can water the flowers." ”
I asked, "Is there something wrong?"”
Dad smiled and said, "Is there any wine left?"”
It made me laugh so hard at the time!」
When I was in elementary school, my dad went to attend a parent-teacher meeting organized by the school, and the parents of the whole class came, but the teacher hadn't come yet, and my dad usually liked to smoke, so he lit a cigarette when he was bored’
Dad's second monk at the time - couldn't touch his head, got up and hurriedly handed out a cigarette to each parent, and said in his mouth: "I'm sorry, come, everyone light it!".“
The teacher was stunned!
Hey!You're a fucking talent!」
My mom took me to a pretty grand wedding and came back to ask me ......How I felt, I said, "The crabs at the feast are good, very delicious." “
My mother said, "How do you feel besides eating?"“
I said, "The bride is good-looking, but the bridegroom is so ugly." “
My mother slapped me and said, "People are so ugly that they can find a handsome daughter-in-law, what about you?."Do you know what to do besides eating?“
Xiaomi, who had just started preschool, accompanied her mother to see her grandfather, who happily sealed a red envelope for Xiaomi.
Xiaomi took the red envelope to thank her grandfather, handed the red envelope to her mother seriously, and said, "Please collect my salary." ”
Mom smiled and asked, "You're only five years old, and you don't go to work, what is the salary for **?"”
Xiaomi said unconvinced: "Why didn't I go to work, am I not in preschool?".”
I've been in love with my girlfriend for four years, and I'm going to take it back
I say dogs. The family said that the dog is not good, but the pig is okay.
When I heard that they were superstitious to such an extent, I was angry that I couldn't do it, so I asked them, "Is it okay to look like a pig?"“
The son was playing in the community at home when he heard someone talking, "Xiao Ming's mother is a shrew!".”
When the son came home, he asked his mother curiously, "Mom, why do so many people say that you are a shrew?"”
Mother: "That's when they praised your mother for being a lively woman."
Unexpectedly, when my son went to his grandmother's house, when he saw his grandmother, he asked, "Grandma, are you a shrew?"”
The first time I went back to my mother-in-law's house to eat hot pot, I kept fishing until there was nothing in the pot at the end, and my father-in-law couldn't stand it, so he said, "Why don't you pull up your trouser legs and go down to fish?"”
Woo, they weren't like that before they married his daughter.
The son shouted, "Dad, Xiao Ming's parents took Xiao Ming to the haunted house last week, and I want to go too." ”
I said to my son, "Son, you are still young, and it is easy to scare you, so I will go when you are older." ”
When my son heard this, he rolled on the ground, and I had to argue, but I had to agree.
On the weekend, our family of three went to the haunted house to play, I thought the child would be scared, but as soon as he came out, he shouted loudly: "Dad, I thought the ghost was so scary, but I didn't expect it to be scary when my mother was angry!."“
When my wife heard this, her face was black!I was secretly laughing there, muttering to myself, "Tigers want to eat people, ghosts are just scary." “
My mom, I almost didn't faint laughing at the time!」
Chinese New Year's Eve, my husband hung a New Year painting.
After he hung the first one, he asked his daughter to see from behind that the second one was level with the first. In order to please auspiciousness, the husband told his daughter: "If I am high, you will say that you are rich, and if I am low, you will say that you are healthy." ”
When her husband hung up the painting, her daughter looked the same left and right, so she said to her husband, "Dad, it's not rich, and it's not healthy." ”
My mom, I almost didn't faint laughing at the time!」
As a result, in the second year, business was not good, and the family was always sick, so it seemed that some words were still a bit mysterious.
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