Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a happy new year!;It's cold, so keep warm!）
A buddy is out of love!I'm in an extremely bad mood, so I'm going to see him today. He played landlord fighting on his computer at home. I sat on the side, and there was no sentence to persuade him!He didn't talk much, and after a while, I watched him play a card, obviously it was a pair of 3s, but he only played a 3!
I asked him curiously, "Why a single 3!".“
His eyes were fixed on the screen, and he said without looking back: "Breaking up a pair is a pair!".”
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death!」
One night after work, I went to the supermarket to buy a shower cap, to the supermarket, I asked the salesman if there was a shower cap, only to see the uncle next to him standing there laughing, instantly I was inexplicable, only to see him in a mocking tone to ask the receiver: "There is everything in this year, living so big, the first time I heard that someone bought a green hat!".“
I stood there speechless for a moment, thinking: Uncle, I'm talking about a shower cap, not a green hat!
My sister works in a private enterprise, and the boss is also stricter, and she is afraid of losing her job when she is pregnant, so she has always insisted on going to work. One morning, I was still at work, but in the afternoon I suddenly had a stomachache, and I was sent to the hospital and gave birth in the evening.
I went to get my salary during maternity leave, and I found that there was a lot of money in my account, and my sister was worried about whether it was a "termination payment".I nervously called the boss to ask the reason, but I didn't expect the boss to say: "Sister, you have a big belly and two people go to work, and I can't pay a double salary in March." ”
The aunt got on the bus with a child, and she asked the conductor, "How much does it cost to buy a ticket for a child?"”
The conductor asked, "How tall is the child?"”
The aunt said, "One meter." ”
The conductor said, "No need to buy a ticket." ”
The aunt asked again, "What if he takes a seat and sits down?"”
The conductor said, "You don't have to buy it." ”
Unexpectedly, the aunt suddenly asked, "Then if I hold him in my arms, can you give me the money for the vacated seat?"”
Auntie, you're not picking, you just want to earn some money back!）
When I was in junior high school, I had a girlfriend.
Once after school on Friday, while her parents were not at home, I went to her house to sit for a while, but my girlfriend's mother came back suddenly, she hurriedly pushed me into the bathroom, unexpectedly the first thing my aunt did when she came home was to go to the toilet, the moment I pushed the door open, I saw that I was squatting on the ground to wash clothes, I quickly stood up and greeted my aunt: "Auntie, during class today, I accidentally got ink on Lily's clothes, and the teacher punished me for having to wash my clothes today." ”
The aunt looked at the clothes in the basin and didn't ask much, so she said, "It's okay, just wash it." ”
I felt really witty at the time!
On the way home to send my girlfriend, I saw a wedding car parked at the intersection with a lot of lollipops on it.
My girlfriend looked at me, then at the BMW, and said to me, "I want to eat a lollipop." ”
I saw that there was no one around, so I leaned over and picked a lollipop.
My girlfriend actually said that she didn't have enough, and she wanted a few.
I went over to pick it again, this time thinking of taking a few more, lest she say it wasn't enough. But when I just picked the first one, the window slowly opened, and a brother in the car poked out half of his head and stared at the lollipop in my hand and said, "Dude, don't pick it again, leave me a little more, I have to pick up my kiss tomorrow!". ”
It embarrassed me at the time, and I really wanted to find a crack in the ground to get into
After confessing to my beloved girl, my female buddy asked me, "Did the confession fail?".“
I said, "It's Luo, she said she likes uncle." “
The female buddy said, "Don't be discouraged, you'll meet better girls." “
The man cheered himself up and said, "Of course, when I become an uncle when I get old, she will definitely regret it." “
Female buddy: "Pull it down, only handsome guys are called uncles when they are old, and people like you can only be called uncles." “
Oops, my mother-Only handsome guys are called uncles when they are old, and people like you can only be called uncles. I'm laughing to death!」
Chinese New Year's Eve, my husband hung a New Year painting.
After he hung the first one, he asked his daughter to see from behind that the second one was level with the first. In order to please auspiciousness, the husband told his daughter: "If I am high, you will say that you are rich, and if I am low, you will say that you are healthy." ”
When her husband hung up the painting, her daughter looked the same left and right, so she said to her husband, "Dad, it's not rich, and it's not healthy." ”
My mom, I almost didn't faint laughing at the time!」
As a result, in the second year, business was not good, and the family was always sick, so it seemed that some words were still a bit mysterious.
I have always heard that the department head Lao Wang is a mahjong master, but he has never had the opportunity to see it. On this day, the group boss came to the company to inspect, and the company manager arranged a few people to play mahjong with the boss in the evening.
Fighting, the boss said: "The company's affairs are all ready, right?"“
The director responded, "Well, it's all done, Dongfeng." “
The boss asked again: "Hey, touch." Let me tell you, I can't know anything less about what I have commanded, right?“
The director inexplicably played a card and said, "Well, okay, Kujo." ”
The boss shouted triumphantly, "Oh, I'll touch it again." ”
After turning around, the boss was ** ......
The next day, the supervisor was promoted to assistant manager because of his outstanding work ability!
I sighed from the bottom of my heart at the time: Lao Wang, the head of the department, is really a mahjong master!
The leather shoes were broken, and they were reluctant to throw them away, so they took them for repair.
I picked up my shoes and asked, "Master, how much does it cost to repair these shoes?"
The master replied, "Eight yuan." “
I asked again, "Isn't it usually 4 pieces?"“
The master explained: "Well, yes, an additional 1 yuan for the mask will be charged today. “
My face was full of doubts: "There is no epidemic now, and there is still a mask fee?".“
The master responded: "No, no, no, you think too much, it has nothing to do with the epidemic, and if you don't wear a mask, I can't help you repair this shoe." The smell is too big!“
It embarrassed me at the time, and I really wanted to find a crack in the ground to get into
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