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Tonight I asked my roommate to come back to eat hot pot, my roommate said that I wanted to accompany my friends, I ate alone, I had a lot of leftovers, and my brain pumped the leftover hot pot soup to the toilet, and it was blocked, and the small sausage and shrimp balls with vegetable leaves were everywhere, helpless, I took chopsticks, squatted in front of the toilet and fished and clamped, and then my roommate just came back:"I heard that I will eat hot pot tonight
yes", I turned my head, only to see my roommate covering his mouth and looking at me in surprise!
Awkward moments
When I was walking in the park at night, I saw a beautiful woman walking behind me, and there happened to be an old lady picking up garbage.
I thought I would behave well in front of the beautiful woman, so I trotted in front of the old lady to help her pick up the bottle. As a result, the old lady said, "Young man, I saw this bottle first." ”
Just when the beautiful woman passed by, I found that she was looking at me with strange eyes, I was really embarrassed to death, I will never forget this stalk in my life!
I overslept in the morning and was going to be late for work, so I hurriedly ran to Line 3, and saw a couple running desperately in order to catch the car, and finally jumped into the car a second before closing the door, but after getting into the car, the man turned around, and my daughter-in-law ......
The man ran fast and got on the subway, and the woman was two seconds slower and was locked out.
I clearly saw the cold sweat ...... on my eldest brother's forehead
Going home to a washboard is inevitable, haha!
Today I bet to lose to my girlfriend and help her pour water and soak her feet. She said add some salt, and I added some to it. After figuring it out, I added some rock sugar, vinegar, and wolfberries to the pot. Girlfriend: "You and Chinese medicine?" I said, "No, I learned it with my mother." Girlfriend: "Your mother often soaks her feet?" Me: "My mother used to cook pig's trotters. Oops, her arms are swollen by her!
In the cell, a fellow inmate asks a newcomer what happened. He said: That night, I finally pried open the door and entered the master's bedroom, just groped for the master's bag and mobile phone in the dark, who knew that suddenly a thunderbolt woke up the man. By the light of lightning, he found me and caught me. Alas! If it hadn't been thundering, I wouldn't have been caught, and it should have been a natural disaster.
The wife said: Husband, I was wrong, I shouldn't have put my feet on your mouth at night while you were asleep.
Recently, the Internet said that you dare to look at your relatives for three minutes? On a whim, I didn't leave for dinner at night, I just looked at my daughter-in-law directly, didn't say a word, she didn't wipe the table anymore, sat down on the stool and lowered her head and said: Husband, I was wrong, I shouldn't have put my feet on your mouth at night while you were asleep.
The college entrance examination scores are out, many students do not do well in the exam, here I want to tell you, the score is really not important, it doesn't matter what kind of university you are admitted to, no one cares about your academic qualifications, universities are the same, the gap between third-rate schools and Tsinghua University and Peking University is not so big, it mainly depends on whether you have the ability. When you really enter the society, you will know that what I said earlier is nonsense.
The college entrance examination scores are out, many students do not do well in the exam, here I want to tell you, the score is really not important, it doesn't matter what kind of university you are admitted to, no one cares about your academic qualifications, universities are the same, the gap between third-rate schools and Tsinghua University and Peking University is not so big, it mainly depends on whether you have the ability. When you really enter the society, you will know that what I said earlier is nonsense.
Nephew: Auntie, can you tell me a story?
Me: Okay. Auntie will tell you an inspirational story.
Me: Once upon a time there was a girl who was black and rustic. Later, she insisted on skin care, such as doing ** often, and resolutely not staying up late. In the past few years, ** has become better, learned to dress up again, and has become a big beauty!!
Nephew: This is also called an inspirational story? Isn't this something that can be done with a beauty camera?
Dinner for two
My girlfriend is a foodie, I went shopping with her today, stinky tofu for a while, fried chicken thighs for a while, and my mouth never stopped....
I said, "You can't eat enough when you eat so much?" “
My girlfriend said, "I'm two people who want to eat now, of course I can't eat enough!" “
I was pleasantly surprised: "Honey, are you pregnant?" ”
The girlfriend shook her head.
I hurriedly asked, "Then how do you say that two people want to eat?" ”
The girlfriend smiled and said, "There is also a big aunt!" ”
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death! 」
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