I believe that before you read this article, you have read a lot of chicken soup, what love is not the whole of life, there are many beautiful things waiting for you, or friends around you advise you not to force if you can't keep it, there is no grass at the end of the world, etc.
They may all be well-intentioned, and I am also grateful that these fast-acting heart pills have relieved some negative emotions for me when I am in pain, but the fast-acting pills are effective after all, and I will get tired of drinking too much chicken soup, and my friends will also be busy with their own things after listening to you pour bitter water, so I smiled and waved goodbye to them, saying that I put it down, wanted to open it, and it was okay.
Time may be good medicine, or it may be poison, even if a long time has passed, in the middle of the night, you hear a familiar song, see a familiar movie, or a familiar scene, and your heart will start to hurt again.
For an emotional person like me, I can't expect to be cured by the unreliable quack doctor of time, so I try to find some ** cures on my own.
I have had some irrational behaviors, such as being stupid downstairs on the other party, killing her in a series of calls, going to her company to name her, writing long letters to her, and giving her gifts. I should sincerely apologize for this, for causing her a lot of trouble, and constantly closing the distance between us.
I have consulted a lot of recovery agencies, some are very responsible, one-on-one voice counseling can be done at any time, and there are also those who throw you a lot of information and disappear, and what is more dangerous is that some PUA transformation emotional counseling agencies, their theories will make your recovery go astray, shallow secondary attraction, superficial self-improvement, even if it is finally successful, it will bury a time bomb for your feelings, and there will be endless troubles.
Later, I began to introspect myself, and I took the essence of some theories of redemption, combined with the emotional state between us, and the feedback I received in the actual situation, and slowly and little by little improved my relationship with her.
So much so that I began to study psychology, developed a strong interest in intimate relationship studies, tried to understand myself, understood the other person, figured out what was wrong with the relationship, and recently wanted to try to work in the counseling industry. I believe that whether the result is successful or not, it is a sublimation of my own life.
What is the situation now? We can chat and laugh normally, we can pick her up from work, we can go for a run together, we can go out to eat and watch movies, it can be said that there is no difference from ordinary couples, but there are still some realistic resistances, as well as some deep-rooted impressions of my unreliable work, but it is already much better, and I am still working hard.
But I won't persuade you to give up or persevere, some friends who have similar experiences to me have approached me, and I have helped them very patiently, but the result is not very good, I just gained more negative emotions, and was used as an emotional trash can, and some people's thinking is really stubborn to the point that it is difficult to change, and they want to be like me, to be able to communicate with each other normally, repair the relationship, but they are not willing to make efforts, and they do not want to change their behavior and thinking from the bottom of their hearts, which makes me feel very tired.
So I'm just going to share my personal experience with you during this time, and if you feel resonant or similar and want to talk to me, okay, I'll do my best to help you.
Either way, please believe that as long as you have an intimate relationship, if you do it in the right way, it will be salvageable, but you must respect each other.
We met on campus, experienced a period of long-distance travel, and then lived together, I am a person who doesn't care about men and women, most of the time I cook, clean, she doesn't like me to play games, I will accompany her to watch some variety shows and idol dramas.
But as the work began to be busy, the communication between the two began to become less, a day can not say a few words, although I will still prepare some small romance for her, but she seems to be a little tired, will not behave particularly surprised, and then for a while I failed at work, and I don't want to maintain the relationship, I feel that I am always giving something, a little tired.
We all realized that something was wrong, but we didn't mention it, just stubbornly waited for one party to bow down first, and as a result, we became more and more estranged and distant, and we waited for the breakup.
It was a painful time, and I kept transmitting negative emotions about what I was wrong about, don't leave me and so on, and now it seems like spam that I can't bear to read. Later, she couldn't stand my information bombardment, and promised to meet, I behaved poorly at that meeting, kept begging, saying that she would repent, but she was always gentle but resolutely said that I don't like you anymore, it's useless for you to become what you become, don't pester me anymore and so on, and now I think about it and it's my own fault.
Later, I saw a sentence that what she needed was a knight who accompanied her through the night, not a pet dog with a wagging tail and begging for mercy. So I started to cheer up, found a new job that I was interested in, got a fitness card, started to learn a musical instrument, learned to charge in my spare time, and so on.
It's easy to say, but it's hard to do, I have to go to the gym for 2 hours every day after work, and then go home to practice, make a diet plan, a book list, and buy a lot of online lessons. It's always right to make yourself better at any time, but I was wrong in thinking that she would come back after I did all these self-improvements, and I couldn't wait to message her every day to show my progress, like a little kid who invited credit, and even more childish. And fitness, reading, these are not a short period of time to see results, some things, you have done it, produce changes and then show it, it may be more effective, and there is a sense of surprise.
As for the suggestions of the redemption agency, it is even more unreliable, creating a circle of friends, going in and out of high-end places, renting a car and renting a watch, buying brand-name clothes, and so on. She knew exactly what class I was, and that only made her feel hypocritical, and the reason I didn't do it at the time was simply that I didn't want to be the person I hated the most.
They also have a suggestion to shake it on WeChat, **Tantan and other software to find new targets, and then show the newly recognized opposite sex on social **, so that she has a sense of crisis. I think that whether it is love or friendship, no emotion can stand the test, and the current situation is that the edifice is about to collapse, and our relationship is already very bad, which is tantamount to pulling away the last single tree.
There is also disconnection, which is a naïve suggestion given by institutions that are completely unsupported by orthodox theories and act entirely on experience, in fact, it can be directly called escape, or time**. Of course, there are some people who do rely on disconnection to successfully get back together, a month, half a year, a year or even a few years, but that just shows that the two did not break up in the real sense, just had a few twists, and then remembered the good of the other party, let go of all the bad, and turned back, in fact, the problem has not been solved, and it is difficult to guarantee that they will not break up for the same reason in the future.
By the way, the common feature of these institutions is that they create a sense of crisis, and an emotional mentor always hints when he persuades me to pay, she is so good, aren't you afraid that she will be chased by others during this time? If you miss the best opportunity to recover, you will never have a chance. No matter how much money you make in the future, you still lose her forever. The tutor skillfully taught me how to open a credit card, borrow with Huabei, and even recommended some loan financing software, which can be called a one-stop service, which is very intimate.
Far from it, what did I do during that time?
Go to work normally, exercise every day, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and be positive and optimistic, send her good morning and good night every day, or a message similar to a small diary, what I did today, what I think, what progress I made, etc., although she has not replied, but later I learned by asking a reliable agency that this is the right thing to do, which can be called: transmitting positive emotions. When doing this, remember not to send trash talk that is not full of emotions, don't talk about emotional problems in the past, your current relationship is fragile, not enough to face these contradictions, use QQ when WeChat is deleted, **Send emails when you block them, and even Alipay and DingTalk. Nothing is gone, let a friend say something good, add back some *** In short, don't go too far, so that you lose the only way you can communicate with each other.
The pace of life in modern society is tense, and we always have to face many negative emotions, so no one will refuse a pistachio that always spreads positive emotions and is full of positive energy. Did you pretend to show me?
So how long does it take to dispel the other person's doubts? It's very simple, you really become such a person, you don't have to be exaggerated like me, just live a positive life. I persevered for more than three months, and after an icebreaker and a response from her, our relationship made initial progress, and some people didn't take that long to get back together.
But objectively speaking, these things have nothing to do with redemption, I just think that I should become a motivated person and no longer live a muddy life like before.
These changes can be collectively referred to as the outside, your appearance, material conditions, social status, etc., but the key to recovery is the inside, in fact, the determining factor of whether you can get a good relationship is also inside, what is inside? In simple terms, it's your emotional intelligence, personality, emotional management skills, and so on.
After you build yourself well, you can try to establish some contact with each other, find out the problems that exist before your relationship, and solve some long-standing contradictions, which is actually quite difficult, I am a person with low emotional intelligence, it has been a long time, and now many problems are still not completely solved, for example, I used to blindly pay, too low, and need to properly adjust the high and low; Due to family reasons, she has a strong personality, but she hopes that someone can really lead her, and I have a softer temperament, etc.
I have always insisted on this positive emotional output and self-construction, and at the same time used some of the knowledge I learned to analyze what went wrong with this relationship from the psychological aspect, in fact, as long as we can calm down, we are the most aware of our relationship problems, during this period I used some small means to tie the anchor, slowly, from not replying, to cold hmm, oh, and then I can say a few words, but only talk about business, and then I can talk about idle things, um. You're a very interesting person, why didn't I notice before, you've really changed a lot.
This process can be called: I hate you - I don't have any interest - I can communicate normally - I can have a little ambiguity, or I can call it "Enemies" - Strangers - People with an average relationship - Friends - Lovers are not enough.
If your love is sick, the best doctor is yourself, but you need to have enough patience to take the pulse, ask questions, and prescribe prescriptions. And have enough perseverance and confidence to believe that a good way will definitely get a good result.
You can think of it this way, it's better for two people to have a bite to eat, go shopping, or chat while walking, and communicate well than to send messages unilaterally all the time.