1The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, her mother cleaned up a room for me alone, and my girlfriend was still in my room at nine o'clock, and her mother kept mopping the floor at the door.
My girlfriend went to my house for the first time, and after dinner, my mom went out to play mahjong with my dad without washing the dishes.
My girlfriend and I concluded: We are both our own mothers.
2 When I was a child, since I knew that my mother's surname was Dongfang, I felt that this surname was so popular, and I made trouble for my father to change his surname. One time my father was so annoyed that he picked up a stick and started beating me, and the ghost cried wolf. Grandpa hurriedly came over and grabbed my father and asked: What's wrong? Dad said, "Your grandson is clamoring to change his surname." Grandpa scolded his father: Change your surname? You can't beat a child like this if you change your surname, just go hungry for a few days behind closed doors!
Teacher 3: "My child." You haven't made any progress in reading aloud, what's going on?
I'm your age. I have been able to read aloud fluently. ”
Student: "Absolutely. This is because your teacher is better than mine. ”
4. In high school, my girlfriend and I were assigned to an examination room and a table in front and back, and when it was time to hand in the papers, my papers were still blank. I was anxious and stuffed a note by my best friend classmate, I was so excited, all kinds of nervousness, all kinds of hiding, and finally trembling and opened, it was written: What to eat at noon?
5 A man excitedly went to meet a female netizen!
When he was about to arrive, the man saw the female netizen in the distance from the car who looked very ugly!
The man pointed to the extremely ugly female netizen and said to the driver, "Did you see that woman?" ”
The driver said, "See, stop there?" ”
The man replied, "No, hit her!" ”
6 In a park in Beijing, an old gentleman was practicing tai chi. Whenever he makes a movement, a curious squirrel imitates his pose. The old gentleman noticed this scene and began to consciously make exaggerated movements. Onlookers couldn't help but laugh when they saw the squirrel imitating the old gentleman's appearance. The old gentleman also smiled and said, "I have an extra apprentice today." ”
7. My girlfriend and I went to a temple for a while. The girlfriend who is in love is ecstatic, and when she sees the Buddha statue, she worships it, and she never forgets to pray.
I asked her, "What do you wish for?" ”
She smiled and said, "Let the Buddha make me more and more beautiful." ”
I sneered, "It's all grown like this, and the Buddha can't help it." ”
She ignored me, ran over and bowed again, and prayed, "Now that I have grown like this, let me have fewer and fewer beautiful girls around my lover." ”
8 On the Bund in Shanghai, a photography enthusiast takes a picture of a couple. He was about to press the shutter when a seagull suddenly flew over and landed on the couple's head. The photographer and the couple were stunned for a moment, then burst out laughing. The photographer humorously said, "It seems that the seagulls also want to join in your good memories." ”
9 girls say to boys, "upset, talk to me", in fact, "from now on, I will continue to complain about negative energy for about 20 minutes, you just listen quietly and patiently, what I say, you will nod your head and praise me for being too right, I scold whoever you scold you will slap the table and say this fool, you will hand over the paper when I cry, you will swipe the card if I cry, don't interject indiscriminately, don't analyze this and that, don't make one, two, three or four suggestions, dare to say that it is the mother's fault, you will die".
10 Teacher: "I give the students two questions, and whoever only needs to answer the first question will be."
He is no longer required to answer the second question. Now I ask the first question: who knows what they have.
How many hairs? ”
Xiaoli: "I know, I have 99,999 hairs. ”
Teacher: "How do you know?" ”
Xiaoli: "Teacher, this is the second question, you can't ask me to answer it." ”
11I had dinner with my friends, and my wife and little cousin went with me. During the banquet, Sister Zhang was there to count her husband's not. My husband is lazy, never does housework, when he gets home, he waits on the sofa to eat, and he doesn't know how to help when the oil bottle is poured, so he listens to his 25-year-old cousin come out and say: That's not as lazy as my husband, it's been 25 years, and he's too lazy to come to see me!