1 I took my boyfriend home for the New Year last year and repeatedly told him not to drink. At the New Year's dinner table, the eldest brother-in-law raised a glass first: Dad, Mom, I will toast you first and the second and third cups! Seeing this, the second brother-in-law drew a scoop with a gourd: Dad, Mom, I also salute your second and third cups! After drinking, the eldest brother-in-law raised his hand and motioned for my boyfriend to get up: It's your turn. My boyfriend pulled the rice and ate it fragrantly, and when he heard the words, he stood up with an embarrassed face, and was stunned for a moment and raised the bowl and said: Uncle, aunt, I don't know how to drink, I respect you two elders and three bowls of white rice for one person!
2 I remember a quarrel with my classmates in junior high school, the quarrel was very fierce, and later the director knew about it and was called to the playground, and the head teacher pointed to a group of ants on the ground carrying food and said, "Did you see it? I seem to understand something, our unity is strength! Just when I was about to shake hands with the classmate who was arguing, I saw the director step on the ants and say, "See, Lao Tzu is as simple as stepping on ants." ”
3A college roommate was snoring loudly, and one morning suddenly asked us, "Did I snore again last night?" The buddy on my bunk said, "We don't know if you're snoring or not, anyway, the voice-activated lights in the corridor have been on for a night." ”
4. The company worked overtime until midnight, everyone's eyelids fought, and a girl lamented: "I really want to become a 'cause' word now." When asked why, the girl said, "It's a man lying on a big bed with his limbs spread out." As soon as the words fell, a male colleague next to him muttered: "Sleepy." ”
5 It snowed heavily this morning, and everyone was late for work.
I said, "Last night I dreamed that it was snowing this morning, God!" ”
Manager: "You know it's going to snow, why didn't you come earlier?" It's still late today! ”
6 class teacher's English class, a male student asked for leave to go to the toilet, not long after going out, he returned to his seat in the classroom, took a homework book from his schoolbag, tore a few pieces of paper and went out again, the whole class burst into laughter, and our homeroom teacher couldn't help it.
7 Last night, my friend called me to go to K song, asked me to drive, came to the door of KTV, I got out of the car and handed the key to the waiter, said to help me park the car, and gave him a tip of 100 yuan by the way, I saw him look at me, return 100 yuan to me, and take out 100 yuan from his wallet, and said: "Big brother, you should park this car yourself!" Tractor, I really can't drive ......“
8a: Why haven't I seen you go out lately? Stay home every day.
B: Haven't you heard that there are often cases of women being indecent at night in our community recently?
A: I've heard that! But what are you afraid of?
B: I'm afraid people will recognize me!
9Today, a friend asked me, "Did you go to the toilet today?" ”
I asked, "Why are you asking this?" ”
He almost me off when he replied: "Oh, when I had dinner with you yesterday, I put some laxatives in your meal, and I tried it before it expired." ”
10 Dad just called ** anxiously and asked, "Are you okay?" ”
I said, "That's good! What's wrong? ”
He said: "I received a text message saying that you have been kidnapped, and I want to call him 200,000 within 3 days, or tear up the ticket!" ”
I hurriedly comforted my father: "Don't worry, I'm fine, that's a **!" When did you receive the text message? ”
He hesitated for a moment and said, "Last month, as soon as I got busy, I forgot about it......”
11 An incident that just happened, I am from the countryside, just now my father was feeding the pigs, I was eating upstairs, suddenly my father yelled: "You are not allowed to eat, let me go." "I was stunned in an instant, woo, why don't you allow me to eat, it's delicious, I rushed down only to find that my dad was talking to a pig, woo!
12 Having dinner with a crush girl, I tentatively asked her, "I want to chase you, would you like to be my girlfriend?" She smiled slightly: "Look at your performance, see if you can impress me." When I heard this, I secretly rejoiced: "Really? She nodded affirmatively: "Really! So I picked up the chopsticks, split her head and covered her face and knocked her away from the seat, I chased and shouted: "I moved you, I moved you, you talk a lot!" ”