For the growth of their children, poor parents always spare no effort, as if they are willing to hollow out their hearts. When the children grow up, the parents are reluctant to pay any stingy, and are even willing to contribute all the funds prepared for the purchase of coffin boards, but their hearts are full of dissatisfaction with their own abilities, because they cannot provide their children with a worry-free life for a lifetime.
There is a cloud in the ancient "Warning Words": "The potential cannot be exhausted, the blessings cannot be exhausted, the cheap cannot be taken advantage of, and the wisdom cannot be exhausted." "It seems to remind us that over-giving can lead to backlash. Reaching the extreme in something often marks the beginning of "prosperity must decline". Parents should be rational in the process of raising their children and avoid excessive overflowing love.
Truly far-sighted parents are well aware of the truth that "when good things are done, there will be disaster". In the journey of parenting, they know how to maintain a balance between kindness and wisdom, and do not blindly help their children without thinking. If you are resolute and ruthless, your children may be able to avoid being a loser and learn to be independent quickly; And being too soft-hearted may nourish a generation of losers. The relationship between parents and children is a process of mutual fulfillment, and it is necessary to know how to say no at the right time in order to promote healthier growth.
Parents should support their children, but don't let them be too extravagant.
Around us, there are many parents who send their children to prestigious schools at any cost, just like the modern story of "Meng's mother's three moves". Even buying a house close to a school is no longer a novelty.
Some parents not only prepare a wedding room when their children are a little older, but also leave a large amount of savings for their children's future entrepreneurship. Even some families with sons will prepare the bride price in advance, always worrying that their son will not find a suitable partner.
Although the original intentions of these parents are good, once their children grow up, once they get a lot of parental wealth, they often do not have the motivation to continue to struggle, but indulge themselves too much.
When I was a child, I never experienced the hard work of making money, but when I grew up, I lost the direction of making money, as if I thought that my parents had been collecting gold all my life.
In the ancient Western Han Dynasty, there was a minister named Shu Guang who served as the prince's mentor. Soon after, his nephew Shu Shou also became an official in the court and also became the prince's teacher.
The two members of the family are in the same dynasty, and they are loved by the emperor and the crown prince at the same time, which inevitably causes jealousy from the outside world. Shu Guang said to Shu Shou: "If you know how to be sufficient, you will not be insulted; Learn to do it in moderation and avoid taking risks. We should choose to retire. ”
When they retired, they took dozens of catties back to their hometown to buy land and real estate. The rest of the money was distributed to poor relatives.
Seeing that the gold in the family was getting scarcer, the children were disturbed and said, "Father, are you a little confused, what will you do with your children and grandchildren?" ”
Shu Guang responded: "This gold is left by me for retirement, you just need to do a good job of farming." If there is a mountain of gold in the family, the children and grandchildren will become lazy, and what good future will there be? ”
There is a piece of advice in "Zengguang Xianwen": "It is better to be used by the new when you are rich, and it is difficult to change the old family style when you are poor." ”
When we are rich, we don't feel that life is so good; Once you fall into poverty, you realize how hard life is. However, the habit of extravagance is hard to break. Perhaps the best option is to live a simple life from the beginning.
It is enough to spend money to support your children**, and you don't have to leave too much inheritance. As your children grow up, don't use money to pave a smooth path, so that they can walk on their own life path more steadily.
Depicting the shape of a tiger is the opposite of a dog": Parents can guide their children, but they should not control their lives.
Many parents are planning for their children's future. In childhood, they force their children to participate in various interest classes, learning to play the piano, painting, dancing, etc.
I always want my children to become dancers, teachers, scholars, or join the tobacco, electricity, and civil servants. If the child does not listen, the parents may be furious and even resort to extreme measures to carry out moral kidnapping.
They kept saying, "Son, I'm all for your good." "Parents often think that in order to raise their children to be the best in society, they must at least be as majestic as a tiger.
However, parents may not realize that interfering too much in their children's lives is like a kite, no matter how high the kite flies, if it loses clues, it will fall.
Do parents understand? Children grow up in different backgrounds than they grew up in. Everyone is an independent and free individual, and parents should be mentors, not overly dominant.
A good life coach likes to be supportive at critical moments, and most of the time, allowing children to develop freely should at least be negotiable.
Among the many career options, there are a myriad of possibilities. When your children choose to pursue a career in business, don't force them to take the civil service exam; When your children pursue their dreams from afar, don't force them back home; When it comes to choosing a life partner for their children, parents should not be picky.
Don't let your parents' ideas shackle your children's wings. 
The tree is divided, the family is divided": parents can be supportive, but never treat their grandchildren as their own children.
Parents are naturally happy that their children are married, and there is nothing wrong with providing some support.
Many parents choose to help take care of their grandchildren, freeing up time for their children to earn a better living and start a business.
While it's good to help take care of your grandchildren, problems arise when you see yourself as the head of the family in the process.
Children may be happy when the elderly can afford their grandchildren's tuition, upbringing, and various living expenses. However, when the elderly have exhausted their family funds, they instead ask for alimony from their children, which may cause discomfort.
Especially for parents with multiple children, spending everything for one child is bound to be unhappy with the others.
Some elderly parents may be able to take care of all the day-to-day expenses of their children's homes while helping to care for their grandchildren. As for the direction of their grandchildren's lives, they may also keep an eye on their grandchildren's studies.
Too much involvement can lead to "meddling in small families", exacerbating conflicts in children's families, and entangled generations in family issues.
There's a good saying: "Help in measure." ”
Helping to care for grandchildren is a help, not a substitute for the child's responsibility. It's important to remember that there is a difference between intergenerational and father-son. 
In my hometown, there is a proverb: "One generation is strong and the other is weak." ”
If the parents are too strong, the children may appear weak and incompetent, always suppressed by the parents, and go through each day carefully.
On the other hand, if the parents are too weak and let their children ask for it, then the parents may feel the hardship and the children may become arrogant.
A good family should be a group of several generations that develop together, work together, multiply their abilities, and disperse to be well-off.
Kindness should be sharp, valuable, and motivating. As the elders of the family, parents should have their own bottom line and always give their children the opportunity to "spread their wings and fly".
To help others, there should be rules, more charcoal in the snow, less icing on the cake.
If love is a hurt, it is better to choose indifference.