There are five differences between saints and ordinary people when it comes to solving problems
There is a sentence in Guiguzi Strategy: "Everyone has the use of the sage, but the one who is not successful will not use it." The meaning of this sentence is that the methods used by ancient sages did not look much different from ordinary people, but sages were able to succeed when they were used, while ordinary people could not achieve results. The reason for this is that saints and ordinary people have different directions in the application of the method.
According to the Zongheng family, there are five differences between saints and ordinary people when it comes to solving problems:1The sage is able to perceive the essence and truth of things and grasp the key points; 2.Sages can use logic that conforms to objective laws to deal with problems, and design reasonable planning plans and processes; 3.Sages know how to set appropriate goals for events in different systems; 4.The saints understand human nature and use it to solve problems; 5.The saint is able to analyze what may happen in the future based on objective facts, grasp trends and tendencies of human behavior, and set the direction of the future accordingly.
Therefore, seemingly simple methods can often produce unexpected effects, while ordinary people only see the superficial behavior and cannot see the essence, resulting in a far cry of effect. The same method is used differently in different places, and the saints are able to flexibly apply the above five points to deal with different situations, while ordinary people stick to one method and only use it in similar situations, so they cannot achieve results. Therefore, an important difference between a saint and an ordinary person is the difference in the logic of thinking.
As a method, bullying has its scope of application. If the purpose of communication is to get more information, it can have an unexpected effect. The starting point of a person's work determines his level and pattern, and whether a person can achieve results and effectively solve problems determines his ability. A person's hierarchy and pattern depend on what he wants and what he focuses on; A person's ability depends on whether he can successfully complete the task and achieve results.
What a person wants determines the direction in which he does things, and how a person acts determines the process and path of his actions. Behind this is a person's thinking logic, and a person's thinking logic determines the probability of success in his work. The more successful a person is, the more his thinking logic conforms to objective laws; And the more often people who encounter failures, it is essentially because their way of thinking does not conform to objective laws, but is more based on self-assumptions, looking for feelings in their own emotions, so it is difficult to achieve results.
The same method has different effects when used in different environments, and the same thing can be done in different ways, which determines the ability of different people. If normal communication is not effective or difficult to achieve, using the right words can help us learn more, make the communication more effective, and help us make choices. But if you always use the way of talking right and back, it will look yin and yang, but it is not good. We explore different ways of communicating in order to achieve a communication outcome more easily. Rhetoric is only used as a method of communication, not as a means to develop behavioral habits.
Guiguzi "Guiguzi 捭阖" mentions: "Yin and yang seek each other, and it is also from the 捭阖." "There are two things that need to be done in any communication: on the one hand, to express the message, and on the other hand, to receive the message. In this process, the human heart is like a door, where information comes in and information goes out. Some information will be inaccessible because of the presence of the door, even though it is clearly there; And some information is not willing to pass it on, so it is kept inside the door. What to say and what not to say is sometimes thought by the brain, and more often than not, it is swayed by the subconscious. The opening and closing of people's hearts is the process of closing.
Section 2: In-depth interpretation.
Closing is the opening and closing of people's hearts. To be able to listen is to be open-minded; Being able to express is also an openness to the heart. A completely open heart represents total trust and unreserved honesty. However, in most cases, relationships between people cannot reach this level and instead maintain trust and honesty in the middle. Essentially, the law of human nature is that people tend to believe what they want to believe, or believe in someone they want to believe. An effective way to open the hearts of others is to first find the point of belief in the other person's heart, and use this to build a relationship of trust, rather than convincing the other person with what you think is true. Therefore, the way to reach a consensus point of view is that two people agree on the same point of view, and the way to talk back is actually to spark controversy from opposite angles, because everyone is willing to prove that they are right, or is willing to share what they think is right. If another person says something completely different or even contrary to his perception, he will subconsciously refute it, and this rebuttal process expresses his point of view.
For example, when an experienced salesperson in a shopping mall sees a certain type of customer who is defensive, suspicious and worried about being deceived, he will say, "Our clothes are all here, you can look at them, it doesn't matter if you buy them or not." You can also go to other houses to see, and buy whoever you like. It's a rhetorical strategy, and his real purpose is to get the customer to stay and buy his product. However, the content of his speech was: "It doesn't matter if you don't buy it", in fact, the real purpose is to dispel the doubts of the other party, so that suspicious people can find a sense of steadiness here, so as to facilitate the transaction. It is very likely that the goods that would not have been able to sell will be sold. Because the subconscious of a suspicious person is that "what everyone says is not credible, and there must be some purpose, and this purpose may be unfavorable to me." Therefore, when encountering such customers, the more enthusiastic and active they are to introduce and promote products, the easier it is for them to resist and leave quickly. Once a customer leaves the storefront, there are few opportunities to come back and buy. Therefore, the longer you keep a customer on your storefront, the more likely you are to sell.
What he expresses is the exact opposite of what he really intended, which is a type of rhetoric.
For another example, some friends like to play mahjong, and most women don't like their husbands to play mahjong. So what to do? He might say something like, "If you want to play mahjong, play mahjong, and we'll live like this anyway." It's just that you have more time to play mahjong, less working hours, and less money. Hey, our family's life was not as good as the old Wang's family next door. I marry a chicken and a dog and a dog, if you like to play mahjong, you will play it. It's my life that our family is not doing well. Such a statement is actually intended to convince the husband to stop playing mahjong. It's likely that he told him before, but he couldn't change it. Then he said the opposite: "If you want to play mahjong, I won't care about you in the future." But tell him, "What is one result of how often you play mahjong?" Affect work, affect money. The old Wang next door was already better off than our family. If you play mahjong like this every day, we will be worse in the future. In this way, it is more likely that her husband will stop playing mahjong. Let him devote more time and energy to work and family.
Therefore, rhetoric is a strategy, a communication skill. It is used for a specific target when normal communication has been ineffective or ineffective. The purpose is to make the communication effect better and achieve the purpose of communication.
There are generally three situations in the application scenarios of positive and negative talking: the first is to more effectively change the behavior of the other party, change the other party's thinking, and let the other party improve in the direction we want; The second is to hear the other party's truth by saying the right thing and saying the opposite; Some content may be embarrassed to ask directly, or if you can't ask it, you will use extreme ways - the opposite to seduce the other party and make him tell the truth; The third is to adjust the atmosphere and use a witty way to make communication more interesting and fun.
For example, many older friends in our lives are enthusiastic and like to introduce others to a partner and promote a marriage. Sometimes when this happens, the lady is already tempted, and she feels that this young man is not bad, but this man may hesitate and not take the initiative. He should have taken the initiative, but not enough to take the initiative, then the intermediary may say to the man: "If you don't like people, don't force yourself, tell people directly, get together and disperse, if you are embarrassed to say that I will help you tell others, just say that you don't want to." Originally, the purpose of the introducer was to make the two of them feel that these two people were more compatible, and the content of the expression was: "If it doesn't work, forget it", he said the opposite. If the guy really likes the girl, maybe he wants to continue the conversation, then the intermediary can immediately say, "If you continue, what should you do?" If you hesitate like that, it must not work, and you will be forced to take the initiative to force the boy to take the initiative, and this marriage will be promoted. There is also a possibility that this boy really doesn't like other people, and the girl is really inappropriate, knowing his true thoughts, the middleman will know how to reply to other girls.
For example, some children have poor math scores, parents have communicated many times, thought a lot of methods, but still have no effect, then you need to consider what causes ineffective communication, and what other situations do you not know about children's learning, at this time, you need to understand the real situation of children's learning, what are the reasons for poor grades? You can tell your child that if you can't do math, don't learn it, anyway, we are not in a hurry to get a zero score, it doesn't matter, you will be embarrassed when you return to school, it is your business, we are not afraid of being embarrassed. It is very likely that the child will say that I want to learn math well, but I have never found a way to work for me, and some children may also remain silent, which has actually touched him. If the child says that I also want to learn math well, then go to research with him, and continue to learn the method according to his words, which is easier to communicate, if the child remains silent, then change the way of communication, and no method can solve all problems. At the same time, we also need to express our own opinions, for example, when stir-frying, we can euphemistically suggest that we can do better next time. In a harmonious and pleasant atmosphere, we managed to solve an awkward communication problem. If we directly say that my wife's stir-fry is not delicious, it may cause her dissatisfaction.
For another example, when a child is addicted to his mobile phone, we can use the right and negative communication methods to remind him: It's okay, look, anyway, your dad is coming back, as long as he sees you looking at the phone, he will definitely beat you. This will not only make your child aware of the time spent looking at his phone, but also allow him to relax or study. If you look at your phone again, tell him a bad result: your dad will beat you up when he comes back.
To summarize the three situations of the opposite story: the first is to improve work efficiency, by changing the behavior and thinking of the other party; The second is to use this communication skill to tell the other party's truth in some special situations; The third is to make the communication scene more humorous and positive by talking back and forth. It's all about how we use them and whether we can achieve better results.
There are three steps to the application of the rhetorical technique: the first step is to say the outcome that you do not want; The second step is to observe the other person's reaction and deduce a bad result or add your own conditions; The third step is to return to the purpose of your own communication, further guide the other party and make a summary.
There are two important points to note when using the rhetoric: the first is to put it away freely, not too much and not enough; The second is to get it back and ensure that the communication achieves good results.
Chapter Summary: First, three situations in which the rhetoric is applicable; secondly, the three steps of the opposite are explained; Finally, two important points were emphasized: freedom of retraction and return to the purpose of communication. The level of communication skills depends on whether you can achieve better communication results, not just speaking skills.