Why would my husband be so desperate to divorce? How do you deal with it? Many students always ask me, my husband said that he has completely died to me, is there any possibility of saving it? Hearing this, many possibilities will pop up in my mind, such as the betrayal of the woman, the escalation of the conflict between the two parties, or the disagreement of each other's personalities.
But in his next description, I learned that the reason why the husband is desperate to file for divorce from his wife is because every time the husband and wife quarrel, the wife will talk about the divorce, which will make the husband feel that their marriage is a relationship that can be dissolved at will for the wife.
In fact, many marriages collapse before there are a lot of small problems in the continuous fermentation, husband and wife are ordinary quarrels, but if one party has been in the mood, excited to speak, it is easy to say ugly words, hurtful words, at this time may be happy, but the other party has been greatly traumatized in the words.
After the conflict between two people, no matter what you say, without understanding, this feeling of being angry and untriggered is really uncomfortable. Obviously, you want to communicate calmly with the other party, want to understand each other, and understand each other, but the other party will always not be able to give you the feedback you want, and even criticize or accuse you.
In this case, we will make a judgment on our relationship, which is that he no longer loves me and doesn't care about me anymore. Therefore, you will habitually talk about divorce, because you want to test the other party's attitude and prove whether the other party still cares about you.
On the other hand, when the conflict escalates, we are instinctively in a state of stress, so we will use divorce as a means to end the conflict.
In essence, the current situation of this relationship is not all a person's problem, but an asymmetry of emotional information due to ineffective communication with each other. For men, they believe in solving problems when they arise, while for women, they pay more attention to feelings and emotions.
When both parties try to communicate, because the starting point and the need point are different, it will lead to conflicts and disagreements, which will naturally accelerate the breakdown of the marriage in the long run. In fact, most of this situation is relatively easy to fix, and it can be solved perfectly with a little time and thought.
It is recommended that you do this first: first lower your expectations and change the mode of dialogue, because men and women have different ways of thinking, it is difficult for men to directly get the needs of women, rather than letting the other party guess for a long time and finally make everyone unhappy, it is better to directly say their own needs.
Here you can refer to the model of nonviolent communication, how you become what you are, how it will make me feel, can you say this, don't do it?
The second point is snuggling and empathy. To put it simply, it is to use women's weaknesses to awaken the other party's understanding and desire to protect. For example, after eating, you can be coquettish with each other appropriately, for example, you are so tired and don't want to wash the dishes, husband, can you help me? At this time, the other party will be able to receive your signal very clearly, he will see and feel your hard work, and at the same time stimulate the man's sense of responsibility and protection. This kind of benign interaction is an effective means of repairing marriages.
The third point is to allow the other person to have emotions and allow the other person to express their opinions and feelings. This is not about violent emotional venting, but reasonable outpouring and complaining. We are human beings, not gods, everyone has their own joys, sorrows, and sorrows, and as the closest people, if we can't accept some negative emotions of the other party, the pent-up dissatisfaction and anger will only explode in some small things in the future, giving a fatal blow to the marriage.
Therefore, when he sees that he is unhappy and has something on his mind, he should guide him appropriately, and be a listener and companion, which is a very attractive way for him.
Finally, I would like to give you a word, love can be capricious, but marriage can only allow a certain range of behaviors, reserve a trace of boundaries for each other, and don't let a relationship lose its original temperature.
I'm Aiden, and I'm concerned about my marital emotional problems to talk to me.