1 night, my mother is lazy and doesn't want to cook, my father likes to play with his mobile phone, and the responsibility of cooking naturally falls on my head. During the meal, my father was busy tasting a ** stir-fried dish, swallowed his saliva after tasting it, and said to my mother with a smile: "Wife, today is the first time our daughter cooks, let's go to the restaurant to celebrate!"
2 Question: "What is the previous sentence that is like a river flowing eastward?" ”
God replied, "Rolling the Yangtze River is passing away."
3 The male god told a joke, I don't laugh at a low point, hilarious, just in time for a cold, accidentally snot came out and a snot bubble! Huang Cancan, miserable, the key is that the male god said faintly, "Hey, I can also blow bubbles!" ”
4The chick asked the hen, "Why do all human beings have names, and we all call them chickens?" The hen replied, "All human beings have names when they are alive, but they are all called ghosts when they die." We don't have names when we live, but we have many names when we die! The chick said, "Really, what's your name?" The hen said: **Chicken, pepper chicken, curry chicken, white chopped chicken, mushroom chicken, roast chicken, fried chicken, roast chicken, roast chicken, shredded chicken, saliva chicken, spicy chicken, soy sauce chicken, .......
5 In the morning, I went to a company for an interview, and the HR manager asked me, "Why did you leave your last company?" ”
I said, "People go to high places, and water flows to low places." ”
Yes, you have vision. ”
They say I'm a parallel import, so I'll go to your company. ”
HR Manager: Get out!
6a: "I heard you got divorced recently?" ”
B: "Yes, I had an affair, and my wife asked me to leave the house. ”
A: "Look at you smoke well and drive a good car, you don't look like you are out of the house." ”
B: "Isn't it like?" I've already started practicing the Sunflower Treasure Book now......”
7 took the bus today when the red light, closer to the driver, casually asked, why did the master choose to drive the bus, I thought the driver would say what life is forced to do, but the driver said, "I just like this, other people's lives are in my hands", creepy.
8. The father and the son negotiate in the bedroom, and the mother watches. When it comes to intense time, the son asks his mother to help him.
Dad said happily, "That's my daughter-in-law, she will help me." ”
The son glanced at his father: "We are related by blood, and you two are just men and women." ”
9 to the bank remittance, the car temporarily parked on the side of the road, for fear of the traffic police fine, left a friend to watch the car, and told him that there was a car to check the car came to tell me. A few minutes after entering, sure enough, the traffic police came, and the friend broke into the bank in a rage and yelled: Big brother, the police are coming, go quickly! Well, there were dozens of people in a huge hall, and there was silence for a moment, and then the crowd poured out of the bank like a flood, and then I was pressed to the ground by five or six security guards......What a grievance! If you are not afraid of your opponents, you are afraid of your teammates.
10 The elder sister is thirty-five years old and unmarried and has no object, a big doctor, and her appearance is okay, I remember that if a boy talked to her when he was in high school, the eldest uncle could teach her two days, and if she dared to confess to the old sister, her uncle could chase out two streets, now! Haha, come on, daughter, pick it up, it's a man!
11 colleagues went to see his girlfriend's family for the first time, during which he accompanied the future father-in-law to drink and chat, and shouted happily after three rounds of drinking: Big brother, come, cheers! The future father-in-law was stunned for a long time and said slowly: Brother, your niece is not deeply involved in the world, you can't think about it!
12 girls from a family, you can't let her sleep alone!
On National Day, my brother and I returned to the countryside from the city with our respective objects.
After dinner, my mother quietly called me aside: "Girl, we are serious people, we can't do things that are good to say and unpleasant!" You sleep in the same room with your mother for a while. ”
At this time, the younger brother came over: "Mom, what about us?" ”
The mother whispered: "Silly boy, your father has to accompany your brother-in-law, besides, you can't let her sleep alone!" ”