1 At the reunion of old classmates, after I drank three rounds, I said to the girl I had a crush on: "Do you know why I asked you questions after class? At this time, everyone laughed, waiting to see how the female classmates answered, and they all showed ** smiles. I saw a female classmate walk up to me and say, "Do you know why I sit in my seat every time I get out of class and don't go out to play?"
2. At a party, there were too many people to sit in a taxi, so I had to call another one. The driver of a taxi in front of him suddenly said mysteriously: "You must have been taught by a teacher." The friend said, "How do you know?" The master said, "Everyone in my car will wear seat belts, but the other car will not be able to." ”
3 Professional**.
Why do you always like to look here and there when you walk? ”
Oh, professional habits. ”
Oh?! Are you a private investigator? ”
No, I'm a professional**.
4 Today, the person who repaired my mobile phone called ** and said, I don't know why, there are only four contacts left in my ** card, and the others are gone, and they are trying their best to repair and recover. I explained that I**Kari had only 4 contacts.
5 I went to a western restaurant with my daughter-in-law to eat, and I was about to eat the steak that had just come up, when my daughter-in-law said to me, "Close your eyes, I'll surprise you." I closed my eyes happily, I felt that this surprise was unusual, and after waiting for a long time, she happily said to me to open it, and then I was shocked by everything in front of me, and both plates of steak were eaten by this dog!
6 accompanied his wife to the hospital, and met a mother holding the child to get an injection, and the child innocently asked: "Ma Ma, what are we doing here?" Ma Ma said, "Let's get an injection!" The child said happily, "Yes! We get shots. Five minutes later, I heard a cry: "Ma Ma is a big **, it's not us who give the injection, it's the injection that hits me." ”
7 I remember many years ago, he was the head of the school class, and I was a scumbag Xiao Ming who was often told by the teacher to get out....Isn't Xueba amazing? After graduating, a few years after breaking through society....Now, I'm sitting at my desk, and my former top student has to wait obediently outside the door, watching my face and acting...I didn't even look at him, and said unceremoniously: "Please show your parking permit, no outside vehicles are allowed to enter this community!" ”
8 Me : I'll do a magic trick for you.
Friend: Oh, you've changed.
Me : Look into my eyes and I can make you forget for a second that you are a dog.
Friend: What the hell, I'm not a dog.
Me: Look, you forgot!
9 Daqiang was playing basketball on the playground today, and a classmate took off his clothes when he was hot, and he saw that he had six-pack abs.
Daqiang asked his classmates: "How did you train your abdominal muscles?" ”
He said very calmly: "I have been constipated since I was a child. ”
10 teacher: "Xiaohu, your academic performance is so poor now, what will you do in the future?" Teacher is really worried about you! ”
Xiaohu: "Teacher, how much is your monthly salary?" ”
Teacher: "Five thousand, what's wrong?" ”
Xiaohu: "My parents have two villas, three factories, and a monthly income of several million, what are you worried about?" ”
Teacher: "I'm worried that you won't be able to spend it in the future!" ”
11 Tang Seng: "Wukong, can you turn into a piece of paper?" The kind that wants to be soft and comfortable. ”
Wukong: "Master, what's so difficult about this, the apprentice has 72 changes, and anything can be changed." ”
Tang Seng: "Then change quickly for the teacher." ”
Wukong: "Dare to ask why the master is in such a hurry?" ”
Tang Seng: "Dead monkey, hurry up, I ate the peaches you picked just now, I have a little diarrhea, I can't hold it back, you hurry, hurry!" ”
12. The owner of the second cargo actually asked me to drive an excavator to attend my ex-girlfriend's wedding.
Me: "Boss, my ex-girlfriend asked me to go when she got married, can I ask for leave?" ”
Boss: "Approved, don't lose face!" Our company is also a good company, open a good earthquake scene, do you look at the recent 400,000 yuan? ”
I shook my head, boss: "The farthest one!" Millions of imported goods! ”
Me: "Boss, are you sure that if I drive an excavator, people won't kill me." ”