During the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms period, Qian Biao of Lin'an, after years of hard work, became the king of Wu Yue from a small gangster.
In order to thank his father and fellow villagers, and show off, he returned to his hometown in fine clothes.
The accompanying procession, with no end in sight, set up hundreds of tables for the banquet, and the trees on the roadside were covered with brocade ribbons.
When his father saw this, he said, "My family has lived by fishing in the fields for generations, and there has never been such a noble person. ”
Qian Biao was grateful for his father's teachings, and from then on he was cautious and tried to keep his foundation.
How many people, after making a fortune, find ways to be in the limelight? At any gathering, they talk loudly and take the initiative to be the host, so that everyone can feel what is wealth and what is generosity.
If you think about it seriously, you are too generous, and the people who eat will not think you are good, but take it for granted; Life is too lively, and the villain gets mixed in, and it is impossible to prevent it. As the saying goes, the gun shoots the first bird.
When you encounter the following kinds of people's meals, you only eat and do not take the initiative to pay.
Classmates and colleagues get together, and say that the AA system is good, you don't have to do it all.
In the TV series "Zhang Weiguo's Summer", Zhang Weiguo was invited to attend a class reunion, and everyone was mixed up, but he was still working as a general worker in a certain crew and riding a bicycle to participate in the meeting.
After eating almost, everyone took out their mobile phones and made it look like they wanted to pay, but they didn't take action for a long time.
Zhang Weiguo took the initiative to pay at the front desk, and then waited for everyone to transfer money to him according to the method of the AA system.
At this time, Lin Hongnian stood up and did not let Zhang Weiguo pay.
Lin Hongnian said a very heart-wrenching sentence: "Don't worry, they won't transfer the money to you." ”At the party, if everyone doesn't figure out the money face-to-face, and when the dinner is dispersed and they go their separate ways, who will remember to transfer the money?
In the end, the person who takes the initiative to pay the bill is a bit wronged. You are embarrassed to ask your classmates for money for a meal, and besides, maybe the feelings between classmates are fooling each other, and they rarely have contact.
The same is true for colleague gatherings, there are many people, and there is a lot of attitude when drinking, but it will be difficult to pay the bill.
The saddest thing is that some people will make excuses and leave early, and whoever leaves last will pay.
The most angry thing is that after you pay for everything, there are still people who don't appreciate it, thinking that you are "deliberately generous", belittling those classmates and colleagues whose economic conditions are not good enough, and underestimating the backbone of the poor.
As the saying goes, "No rules, no circle." ”Since it's a party, then follow the rules of the party, you just need to bear your own expenses, as for how others deal with it, you can't help.
Whether it is to pool money before the party or divide it evenly after the party, you must do it according to the agreed method, you don't ask questions, and don't think of yourself as a leader.
In the crowd, keep a low profile, which is to give face to the people around you, and it also reflects the friendliness between people.
The person you help invites you to dinner, you don't pay, give the other party a chance to be grateful.
When you have money, there will be more people asking you for help. Occasionally, someone will come to you to borrow money.
You have the ability to help everyone, this is a favor, not an "obligation".
There are many people who have been helped, and there will always be a few people who thank you in the form of inviting you to dinner.
While being grateful, we have to see the fact that the other party's economic strength is not as good as yours, and even has been very poor; What is truly noble is the sincere attitude of the other party.My third uncle has been doing agricultural work in the township for a long time, helping some villagers to solve the difficulties encountered in farming.
There is a fellow who grows watermelons, taking the opportunity of rushing to the market, pulling his third uncle to a small restaurant to eat a boxed lunch, plus a bottle of soju brought from home.
It only cost fifty yuan, but the third uncle was happy to accept it and didn't pay for it.
In many cases, repaying gratitude, giving alms, and receiving rewards are all equally valuable.
If you keep rushing to pay, and other people's gratitude becomes "I owe you another favor", it will increase the psychological burden of others. Clearly inappropriate.Remember, human affection requires interaction, and it is never a one-sided effort. Interaction and communication are spiritual things, not material exchanges.
It's a good thing that you have money and you can help people, but you have to do good things better and give others the opportunity to repay favors.
Eat with friends of friends, the meal has nothing to do with you, keep it cold.
There is a word called "Yue 俎代庖".
In other words, it was none of your business, but you insisted on intervening, causing embarrassment and even anger to the other party.
There is a sky outside the sky, and there are people outside the people. When you meet someone you don't know well, how can you be the boss? Maybe everyone here is richer than you.
There are too many mixed dinners, and you will also be dragged by relatives and friends to participate in the dinner as an "escort".
When you accompany your guests to dinner, you should be moderately warm, just like a waiter. Pushing the cup and changing the lamp with everyone is also the relationship of "borrowing flowers to offer Buddha".
When the dinner is dispersed, whoever should pay for it will pay for it, even if a few people who organize the dinner make noise, it has little to do with you.
If you take the initiative to pay, it will make the people at the dinner feel "weird" and will not want to associate with you.
People who are richer than you, people who host dinners, will feel that you have lost their face.
Zeng Guofan wrote a couplet for the nursing mother: "A meal is still Mingen, and the situation is swaddling and carrying, and the pregnancy is only ten months; It is difficult to repay virtue with a daughter, and when it comes to human relations and physics, it should also cry blood for three years. ”A meal, pick up a thousand gold, put it down two taels, different times different "value".
No matter what kind of dinner you are in, paying the bill is a science, and it is not that whoever rushes to pay the bill is powerful. "Staying one step ahead" is often a behavior with very low emotional intelligence.
When you have too much money to spend, it is recommended that you invite more elderly people to eat, care more about poor children, and invite beggars on the side of the road to eat; During the New Year's holidays, invite relatives and friends to get together.
The host Cao Qitai said a very pertinent sentence: "A man who can rush to pay without paying is a good man, and he should pay but he can have a way not to pay, and he is also a good man without any loss." ”Pay or not, choose the right one, and the relationship will be smooth.