I received a question from a reader today, she said: Hello teacher, I have been following your *** for a while, and I think you are a very wise person, and I have a question I want to ask you.
Yes, I am a girl who has just graduated from college for a year, and I have only been in a relationship once, and I broke up very briefly.
When I went home this year, I was expected to be urged to get married, and my friends said that I couldn't get married once I fell in love, so I would regret it and talk about it a few more times.
Moreover, they say that they are more mature in love, less naïve, and more mature when they enter marriage.
However, how many times is it best to fall in love and then get married?
I'm worried that if I fall in love too many times, I won't be able to really love someone, but I'm afraid that I will regret getting married if I fall in love too little, as my friend said, what should I do?
Picture: "Little Lucky Map".
Seeing this question, I felt the need to answer it.
First of all, I don't think the number of relationships is directly proportional to the maturity of the mentality.
For example, I know a woman who has been in love more than 10 fingers, but she still fantasizes about finding a guy who is perfect and completely obedient to her.
No matter how many times she falls in love, she will still quarrel with each other at every turn and say that she will break up, and she doesn't feel mature at all.
It can be seen that in fact, the number of times of love does not have much impact on the mentality.
As I wrote yesterday, time is only responsible for flow, not for your growth.
The same is true for love, the number of times you fall in love can be increased, but the ability to love a person does not mature because of this.
Some people fall in love once, and they are so mature that they are responsible and serious.
Some people fall in love a hundred times, but they are still naïve and angry, and they don't know how to sympathize with each other.
So, you don't need to mind how many times you're in love.
In addition, regarding the fact that people will regret it after getting married, I think that any choice people make, there will be moments of regret.
Because the world will not be as you wish, there is no trace of waves, people are habitual to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, once life encounters troubles, it is normal to have regrets and complaints.
No one dares to say that he has not had a single moment of regret since he got married, unless he lived a carefree life.
Love itself is to think clearly before getting married, and it is when you understand that even if you meet a better person in the future, you will still choose him to get married again.
This is a kind of mental maturity.
Picture: "Little Lucky Map".
Therefore, I think the question of how many times it is best to get married in love is actually a false proposition, and it doesn't need any answers.
How many times you fall in love and get married is not directly related, what is directly related is whether a person has figured out whether to get married? Who should I marry? Can you take on everything after getting married?
To put it bluntly, a person's life wisdom is more important than the number of times they fall in love.
From several perspectives:
First, do you have the capacity to afford marriage?
Notice that I'm talking about two people, not just men.
If both of you have relatively good financial means, or the ability to make money to survive in this society, then this is the foundation.
Assuming that one of you is still unemployed, with an unstable income and no skills, it is advisable not to get married.
Making money is more important than getting married.
Without a good material foundation, love can easily be destroyed by reality.
Picture: "Little Lucky Map".
Second, do you understand each other's emotional expressions well enough to put yourself in each other's shoes?
Marriage is a long life for two people, unlike when they are in love, as long as they make an appointment to go out for a while, they will be happy.
Married life is firewood, rice, oil and salt, it is a life of constantly discovering each other's shortcomings in ordinary days, if two people lack empathy and can't put themselves in each other's shoes, then there will only be constant friction.
Loving each other is the basis for resolving these frictions, so find someone you like.
If you love each other enough, then you will consider the problem from the other person's point of view, and you will not only think about how much you have paid if you have been wronged.
That's why I often say that two people who are suitable for marriage should at least respect each other equally and learn to appreciate each other's efforts.
When two people are together, in addition to the basic physiological needs of human beings, it is also very important for emotional needs.
Picture: "Little Lucky Map".
Third, the maturity of the mentality is the romance after recognizing the reality. Do you have this kind of maturity?
Recently, a reader left a message, saying that he has not been able to find a partner, the main reason is that he doesn't like what he likes, and he doesn't like what he likes.
Friends say she's too demanding, but she doesn't feel like she wants to compromise.
I think it's right not to be, but it does need to adjust yourself, and you must first learn to understand yourself.
Among them, she mentioned a point, saying that it is easy for her to find out that others do not like her at a certain point, and then there is no way to start a relationship.
In fact, many times, people are not perfect, if you want to find someone you like, you should try to magnify the advantages, don't stare at the shortcomings.
This is a kind of mental maturity.
Picture: "Little Lucky Map".
In real life, you will find that your significant other may have a lot of shortcomings, which are unacceptable, or will think that others are better.
So before getting married, you should ask yourself the most, if you meet someone better after marriage, or find some shortcomings in the other person, will you regret getting married?
With this answer, you should think about getting married.
Because people with a mature mentality will understand that no one is perfect, and whoever they are with will need friction, but the friction is different.
Or in this way, if you don't think you want to be better, then work hard to improve yourself first, so that better people can look at you.
Otherwise, if you are still the same you, there is a high probability that the kind of person you like will not like you.
Although it is very realistic, it is true that the emotional world is also the same.
Don't always want to find a soul mate, that thing is too mysterious, and it is rare to find someone who knows how to cherish your physical body. Knowing that taking care of you and feeling sorry for you is very precious.