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Hilarious and exciting, I am "little him", welcome to watch "Joke Collection".
no.1、
Seeing that it is often said on the Internet that "men become bad when they are rich", I asked my father at the time: "Dad, if you have money in the future, will you abandon me and my mother?" “
Dad replied, "How so?" One is a biological wife, the other is a biological son, how can it be so easy to abandon. “
I was about to praise my dad a few words, but my dad muttered: "Since I gave birth to a loser son like you, it's hard for me to get rich!" “
At that time, my father was quite embarrassed by me.
Then my father added: "You better find a daughter-in-law quickly, and your mother and I can enjoy a few days of clean life early!" “
I was even more embarrassed by that, and one of them hid back in his room and went to sleep.
Oh, my mother, this father is so funny! 」
no.2、
A few days ago, my head hurt a little and I was in a trance during the day, so I went to the hospital for a check-up.
The doctor said to me, "Go back and lie down." ”
I nervously asked, "Doctor, don't you need to prescribe medicine or anything?" Are there any taboos or anything? ”
The doctor said, "Eat whatever you want." ”
As soon as I heard this, I sat down on the chair with my feet limp in an instant, thinking that this time was over, and I guess something big had happened.
Then the doctor told me: "You have holiday syndrome, you sleep too late at night, just recuperate for a few days." ”
My mother, it turned out that this was the case, and I was almost said by the doctor''Eat whatever you want'Scared to faint! 」
no.3、
The reporter did a street interview: "Auntie, what impact do you think the sandstorm has brought to your life today?" ”
The eldest lady said: ".Impact ......It's too big! First of all, you have to see clearly, I am your uncle!
no.4、
Yesterday at noon, I talked to my colleagues about housing prices, and I also said: "Housing prices are so expensive now, if I have a piece of land, it is really developed!" “
He said, "If you have a piece of land, I will immediately recognize you as a godfather!" “
As soon as I finished speaking, the little girl at the front desk called me: "xx You have a courier!" You've got a piece of land!
Then my godson didn't want to talk to me all afternoon.
no.5、
After the college entrance examination, knowing that the test was not good, he told his father truthfully that the test results were not satisfactory, and his father said helplessly: "If it doesn't work, just repeat it." ”
At this time, the grandfather sitting on the side said angrily: "If you can't pass the test, you won't be able to pass the test."Take poison (repeat), what kind of poison to take! It's really unproductive! ”
no.6、
I am a barber, and a young man with glasses in his twenties comes to get a haircut in the morning. Sit down and take off your glasses and say, "Just cut your spirit." ”
After I finished the meticulous carving, he put on his glasses and looked at them for a while and said, "Brother, honestly, which immortal do you belong to?" “
I looked at him curiously....
The guy pulled his hair and said, "This will add more than ten years of longevity to me!" Look at me, I don't look like a forty-year-old ......”
Awkward)no.7、
It is said that middle-aged aunts will bargain when buying vegetables, and when I visited the vegetable market, I followed behind the two aunts and visited all the stalls in the vegetable market!
As soon as I got out of the vegetable market, my ex-girlfriend rushed out of the corner, grabbed me by the collar and yelled, "Why are you like this? Can't catch up with me, but actually follow my mother, what's the matter with the old lady! ”
Patronizing and buying ** vegetables behind them, without looking at his face, this is embarrassing.
no.8、
I was an obese woman who came to a meat stall in the vegetable market to buy itFour catties, seven taels and five dollarsof pork.
The meat seller said, "It's so strange that you want it, just buy five catties!" ”
I hurriedly explained: "You don't know, I'm **, I've lost four pounds, seven taels and five dollars, I just want to see how big a piece of meat this is." ”
The master replied on the spot: "You are compared with a pig!" ”
Embarrassed me at the time!
no.9、
Today I was fiddling with my new haircut in front of the reflective glass of a car and was beaten up by the owner...
Big brother, how can you let me explain it to you, I really didn't see your daughter-in-law breastfeeding the child...
Oh? You ......I'm laughing to death!
no.10、
Before the community security told me that the access control will be upgraded to face recognition technology in the future.
In the past two days, I have come to understand that the so-called face recognition technology means that the security guard sits at the door, and when he looks at the familiar face, he will let him in, and the face will be registered.
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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