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Hilarious and exciting, I am "little him", welcome to watch "Joke Collection".
no.1、
How fat am I! One day when I took the bus, there were so many people that there was no place to stay.
An old man who had just gotten on the bus squeezed over and stood in front of me, and I was about to get up and give up my seat.
As a result, the uncle held me down and said, "No, you stand up and take up more space!" “
I thought to myself, uncle, am I that fat?
no.2、
The water heater at home is broken, I keep asking my husband to repair it, he just doesn't move, no, it's been a few days, and I've been using cold water, which is not convenient at all.
On this day, I just got up in the morning and was ready to fetch water to wash, but as soon as my hand reached into the water, a clever person scalded me back, all scalded bald skin, I was so angry that I ran back to the room and punched and kicked my husband: "You're going to die, the water heater is repaired and you don't say a word, I thought it was cold water, and I burned it!" “
My husband actually joked: "You have rough skin and thick meat, you're afraid of getting hot!" “
At that time, I was even more angry and shouted: "Dead pigs are not afraid of boiling water, you go and try it!" “
Oops, my mother, the two of you laughed at me! 」
no.3、
The weekend is coming, and my wife is doing household hygiene, which is a little annoying! So, on the small blackboard of the family, write the words: "Family hygiene, everyone is responsible".
At noon, my son came back from school and added a horizontal line to the herringbone. My wife found that the blackboard became: "Family hygiene, adults are responsible." ”
In the evening, after the husband got off work, he added another horizontal line, and the wife found that the blackboard became: "Family hygiene, Mrs. is responsible." ”
My wife was dizzy on the spot! Lazy people are not terrible these days, but they are afraid that lazy people are educated!
no.4、
When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me what year I graduated. I was going to say the year 2000, but I got excited and said, "Two thousand years ago, ......."What's even more sweaty is that the examiner actually sighed and said, "Confucius's students." ”
no.5、
I was twenty-six years old, and I looked old, and I was also of high rank in the village, and many people in my thirties and forties called me uncle.
Once I went to climb the mountain near my village with my blind date, and returned to the village to sit down after climbing, I called my uncle all kinds along the way, and greeted: "Second uncle, you are back!" “
Subject looked at me with questioning eyes all the way and said, "How old are you?"
The worst thing was that the cousin in his sixties shouted: "Cousin, you are back!" “
I ......I'm really twenty-six!
no.6、
Qingming worshiped the mountain, and the uncle who was responsible for burning the dark coins did not take the dark coins, but only took out a card and lit it: "Burning paper is afraid of burning the mountain, all the money saved in this card is burned!" There are 100 million stored in it, and the password is six eights! If you are afraid that the password is too simple, remember to change the password yourself! ”
(This one is creative, this one is awesome!) ）
no.7、
Xiao Li went to visit a friend in the hospital, and the aunt in the same ward kindly gave Xiao Li the valuable visit gift that her son had brought. Xiao Li is a person who has no merit, so she said to her aunt as soon as she was excited: "Auntie, do you lack a daughter-in-law?" The aunt said with a dark face: "Girl, I am kind enough to give you something, and you still want to take my son?" You can't be so greedy! ”
no.8、
When I was in high school, I made a bold confession to a girl during my lunch break. The classmates all shouted: Together, together. Unexpectedly, the girl just disagreed, and the class fell silent. The girl said, "You have someone outside." I hastened to argue: I swear, no, really not. At this time, the voice of the head teacher came from the door of the classroom: She said that I was outside!
no.9、
The wife helped the drunk husband to take a taxi home, the husband reached out to open the door, lifted his feet and took off his shoes to climb to the car seat, the wife asked why in confusion, he was very sober and said: "Don't take off your shoes when you get home, tomorrow you wipe the floor!" ”
no.10、
A few drunkards get together and talk about what wine is.
Boss: Wine is my wife, and I can't live without her for the rest of my life.
Second: Wine is my ancestor, I worship when I see it.
The third child: Wine is gasoline, I am a car, and my car can't drive without alcohol.
The fourth touched his swollen face: Alas, the wine is a five-finger mountain! Every time I came home drunk, my wife would reward me with a five-finger mountain.
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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