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Hello everyone: Welcome to the 100% funny joke collection to make you (high) laugh for a day!
no.1、
When it came time to name the child, grandfather and grandfather took several names, and my wife listened to it, but my requirements were very high, after all, this name is with the child for a lifetime, I said that I have to think about it again, at that time my wife was impatient, and said: "Grandpa's name is also good, and grandpa's name is also good, just use one, you pig brain, what other good name can you come up with." ”
I didn't agree at the time, I was a father, and my father wanted to give his child a good name, was there a problem?
At that time, my wife was angry, so she said in front of the whole family: "I gave birth to the child, I will decide the name, if you want to choose a good name, I will satisfy you, and the man will be called."Cheng bowl rice, the girl calledCheng Wan soup
Oh, what is this operation? 」
no.2、
Chat with colleagues at work.
I sighed and said, "Oh, I don't want to go to work anymore." ”
A colleague responded: "Who isn't, especially the alarm clock in the winter morning is the most annoying, and I don't think about it at all." ”
I nodded and said, "yes." Every morning when the alarm goes off, it's like I've been shot. ”
My colleague looked at me and asked, "Then did you jump up and get dressed and wash as soon as you heard the gunshot?" ”
I smiled and said, "No, I'm lying like a dead man who has been shot and never want to come up again." ”
My colleague smiled and said, "Hee-hee, we're all the same!" “
Well, that's right, who wants to get up early to go to work in winter! 」
no.3、
It's been cold lately, and I really can't get up in the morning.
No, the alarm clock rang countless times this morning, and finally I got up and looked at the time, I was scared to death, and I was still 5 minutes late, and I thought at the time, I should take a leave of absence today. So I called ** and asked my colleague to help me ask for leave, and my colleague told the boss's wife: Xiao Zhang had a very serious cold and high fever, and he was weak, and he didn't even have the strength to drink water, so he asked me to help him ask for leave.
But what I never expected was that at 11 o'clock, when I went downstairs to pick up the courier in slippers, I met the hostess!
I was embarrassed at the time, and I really wanted to use invisibility: You can't see me, you can't see me! 」
But the proprietress stared at me fiercely with smoke in her eyes, and didn't say anything, just kept shaking her head.
Do you think I'm going to use this class tomorrow?
no.4、
A rare opportunity to go on a business trip with a very punctual female colleague in the company. In the evening, I found a hotel, ready to stay, and when I entered the door, I asked the boss that there was only one room, so I found the next one, and I said to the boss: "Open two rooms......He winked vigorously at the boss ......The boss looked like a smart person, and said regretfully: "I'm sorry, there is only one room." ”
I pretended to be helpless and said to my female colleague, "There is only one room, what can I do?"”
The female colleague was a little embarrassed and said, "Then let's open one, you can ......."”
Without waiting for her to finish, I quickly said, "Don't worry, I'm a decent man ...... gentleman."”
The female colleague then said, "Can you go to the hotel just now ......?"”
AhhWhat is this operation!I want to cry without tears, woo!」
no.5、
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to meet my parents for the first time, and I was extremely nervous.
During the meal, the future father-in-law drank two more glasses, then took my hand and said: "Xiao Li, I see that you are very confident and broad-minded, and you must become a great weapon in the future, and I will rest assured that my daughter will be handed over to you." ”
Hearing that I was so happy, I hurriedly asked, "Uncle, how can you see this?"”
The uncle took another sip of wine and said meaningfully: "Look at you like this, you dare to chase my daughter, which shows that you are not a simple person, and you have something extraordinary." ”
Woo, this is not very hurtful, but it is extremely insulting!」
no.6、
When I don't go to work on weekends, I go to my sister's house as a guest, and my little nephew just came back from playing outside, and when he saw me sitting on the sofa, he ran over to greet me: "Auntie, why don't you find a husband?"”
I wondered at the time, this kid usually asks me for snacks, pocket money and the like at the first time, but today he actually asked me about this topic, and I replied at the time: "Why are you looking for a husband!".”
I thought that he would say that someone would hurt if he found his husband, but he actually came and said: "If you don't find a husband, you will come to our house every week to eat and drink." ”
Woo, it's not very hurtful, it's extremely insulting!」
no.7、
When I came back from shopping, my classmate's backpack was inexplicably opened, and we found that the phone was missing, so we comforted her and said, "Hey, I've lost everything, so I should contribute to the society, don't be upset." ”
She said: "A mobile phone is not worth much, what I feel sorry for is the ** in the mobile phone, as well as those beautiful memories of youth." ”
At that time, I had a whimsical idea that I could only be a dead horse as a live horse doctor, so I gave her an idea and used my mobile phone to send her a message on my mobile phone: Hello, the ** in my mobile phone is very precious, you can send it to my mailbox, thank you heavily!
At that time, everyone knew in their hearts and didn't have hope, but unexpectedly received a message the next day: "I'm sorry, ** is too ugly, it's all deleted!" ”
I was shocked when I received the message, you said I should tell my classmates or not! 」
no.8、
When I just graduated, I drank some wine with my father at home, and I asked my father puzzled: "Dad, you said, in Journey to the West, Sun Wukong is okay to make trouble in the Heavenly Palace, why can't he beat those little monsters on the way to learn the scriptures, and often invite immortals to subdue demons?" ”
Dad took a deep puff of his cigarette and said, "You'll understand when you're done." “
After many years, I finally understood: when Sun Wukong made trouble in the Heavenly Palace, all the people he encountered worked for the Jade Emperor, contributing but not playing with his life; When he learned from the West, he met all those who came out to start their own businesses, and everyone played with their lives!
In fact, this is the current social phenomenon, whether you are working or starting a business, only by taking things as your own and doing your life can you have the greatest harvest.
Oh, my mother, suddenly the whole philosophy moved me, and I had to drink two glasses of wine to suppress the shock! 」
After all, laugh and laugh, I hope everyone will roll up their sleeves and work hard to make money.
no.9、
In the past, every time I asked my dad for money, he would give it to me boldly, I don't know when it started, as long as my dad asked for pocket money, he would chatter for a long time, and then give me the money.
On this day, I asked my father for pocket money again, and my father muttered again: "You only know how to spend money, do you know that money is not easy to come by?" “
I didn't think about it at the time and said, "Why don't you know, every time I ask you for money, I have to listen to your lesson." “
Hahaha, this wit made my dad show off at that time! 」
no.10、
It rained heavily today, and when it was almost evening, I heard a quarrel between the two people next door.
The woman said, "Stop me, it's raining so hard outside, are you still going?" ”
The man said: "Wife, in order to prevent you from following me all the time, I will go even if I go up the knife mountain and down the oil pot." ”
I thought it was so touching!
So after her husband went out, I ran out and asked the woman, "It's raining so hard, what is your husband going to do?" ”
Then she said angrily: "Buy a lottery ticket." ”
Oops, I'm dripping mom, I've been doing this for a long time! Almost didn't make me laugh! 」
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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