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Hello everyone: Welcome to the 100% funny joke collection to make you (high) laugh for a day!
no.1
I had a toothache for a few days, but today I mustered up the courage to go to the doctor, and when I arrived at the clinic, I said to the doctor: "Hello, doctor, I have a toothache for a week, it is so painful!" ”
The doctor pointed at me and said, "You, you, why did you delay until this time to ask?" ”
I hurriedly asked the doctor, "Ah, what, is there no help?" ”
The doctor said unhurriedly, "No, I'm going to get off work at this point." ”
no.2
At night, I met a couple going to the mall, the sister paper was carrying the selected clothes, and Sao Nian saw that the frame cost a lot of money, only to see him hurriedly said: "Didn't you say that it was just a good shopping?" “
Sister paper said angrily: "Then who said it was just a hug last night?" The results are ......This? “
At that time, I was laughing so much that I squirted bubble tea!
no.3
Today in the supermarket, I saw a woman**: 10 yuan 12. I bought it for my wife on the spot. When I got home, I said to my wife, "I bought you some clothes, enough for you to wear for a year!" “
My wife opened it and saw that it was 12 ** of the same color, and immediately asked angrily: "Why is it the same color?" “
I said, "What's wrong with the same color?" ”
My wife said, "Others will think that I don't change **."
I wondered at the time and asked my wife, "Someone else? Who are they???
no.4
During lunch, a female colleague suddenly asked me with great concern: "You have to pay attention to your body!" ”
I was surprised and asked, "Why do you say that all of a sudden?" ”
"Because I see you rarely drink water," she said. ”
I said, "How do you know I drink very little water?" ”
"Because you haven't been to the toilet all morning," she said. ”
I asked curiously, "How do you know?" ”
She glanced down and said, "Because you haven't zipped up your pants since the morning." ”
Took me at the timeAwkwardTarget!
no.5
On this day, I made an appointment with my girlfriend for dinner, and after seeing her, I said, "Long time no see." ”
The girlfriend said, "Long time no see." ”
I was going to tease her and say, "You've been ...... lately."
Before she finished speaking, her girlfriend grabbed and said, "Don't say that I've gained weight recently!" ”
I wittily said, "Okay......."You've been swollen ...... latelyI almost didn't recognize it! ”
Then she unleashed her invincible little fist and pounded me mercilessly.
no.6
My best friend and husband lived in my house after a quarrel, and I arranged for her to sleep with me and my husband to sleep in the second bedroom.
At night, I habitually touched my husband's underneath, but I didn't touch anything that night, and suddenly my girlfriend woke up, and that embarrassment ......
Unexpectedly, my best friend said vaguely: "Don't make trouble, your wife is at home." ”
no.7
Today I bought a new pair of pants for my husband, and he came back in less than ten minutes after going out, and his knee broke, so I said angrily: "The pants I just bought will be torn in less than ten minutes!" ”
Who knew that the husband of the second goods said aggrievedly: "I'm sorry, I didn't have time to take off my pants when I fell." ”
I .........My husband is so humorous! Hehehe
no.8
Naïve son.
Once the whole family had dinner together, and the grandfather asked the baby grandson, "Lingling, what do you want to do when you grow up?" ”
The son looked at his father and said, "I want to be like my father." ”
Mom squinted her eyes and said, "What is your father proud of?" Tell me about it. ”
The son looked at his mother and said, "Because my father can get 5 yuan of pocket money from my mother every day." ”
Grandparents can't talk when they hear it, so they just eat at the same time. And I covered my face and looked at my son, and then at my wife.
no.9
Once went on a blind date, the woman fell in love with the man, but the man was not impressed. When the two talked about their usual hobbies, the boy longed and said, "I like to find excitement the most in my life!" ”
The woman said, "Great! Marry me! It's a thrill! ”
The boy hung his head and said, "I'm sorry! I like to 'find excitement' rather than 'get stimulated'! ”
The girl yelled: "Get out":
After the boy left, the girl muttered to herself: "I deliberately spent 88 makeup today, and it didn't have any effect at all!" ”
no.10
My girlfriend's mother handed me a check: "Give you 1 million and leave my daughter." ”
I took the check and turned to my girlfriend: "Let's break up, I don't love you anymore." ”
The girlfriend was stunned: "Don't you have hundreds of millions of assets?" Why did you break up with me for the sake of 1 million. ”
I replied coldly, "Otherwise, how do you think I made hundreds of millions." ”
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