This article is about 1300 words, and it takes about 5 minutes to read.
Key words in this article: children, education, family, psychology, growth, yelling education, parents' guide, children's growth, Haoyuan family education, primary school students' family education, parental guidance, companionship on the road to growth
Every child has experienced a moment of yelling in their lives, and according to a survey, more than 89% of parents in the country use yelling in the process of educating their children. Actually, as a parent. I didn't want to coax the child, but I really couldn't control my emotions when the anger came up, when he kept watching TV, playing with his mobile phone pad, when he didn't eat well, and always procrastinating when he didn't do his homework. It's really going to break the work in minutes, and I can't help but yell at them. But I don't know if you have noticed, what is the reaction of the child after he is yelled at by us?
Generally, there are two situations: one child will vent in the same way as adults, such as opening angry eyes and gritting teeth and yelling at adults, and there is another child who does not cry or make a fuss after being yelled at. Be silent, don't speak, or even pretend not to hear, not to see. We often see them standing there quietly, unable to guess what is really going on in their hearts. Actually, those children who are able to vent their frustrations. Although it is embarrassing and worrying for us, I would like to say that this is not bad, at least according to the emotions he revealed, he can be comforted and counseled in time, and reflect on his own problems, and those children who are silent after being yelled at by adults are even more worrying.
What is the child thinking after being yelled? There may be three situations in this: First, he may not dare to show it because he is afraid. He also wants to cry or lose his temper when the adult yells, but he is afraid. Because of the dissatisfaction and resistance shown, he will be scolded and criticized more severely, and even suffer from flesh and blood, so he chooses to remain silent. Second, he may have gone numb. At the beginning, he would also wonder, was he yelled at again and again, was he not good enough? But after repeated causal analysis and self-questioning, there is still no answer, and adults are still roaring. Slowly, this habitual forbearance and repression turned into numbness, and he might want to escape, but. When a person is angry, his appearance is hideous, his words are harsh, whether he is right or wrong, he does not want to argue, he just wants to let this storm pass quickly. Over time, children develop an ostrich mentality and face problems and pressures negatively. So children who don't speak after being yelled at are even more worrisome. The emotions of being forcibly suppressed by the child did not disappear, he was just stiffly suppressed in his heart and body.
A study by biologist Professor Martin found that children who have been subjected to verbal violence from their parents for a long time have permanent damage to their brain structures. Studies have also found that children who have been yelled at for a long time are more likely to have low self-esteem. It's easier to fall into a vicious cycle of self-denial. Their intelligence will be impaired, their memory will be reduced, their concentration will be impaired, and they will have problems such as weak emotional control. The concern is that there will also be cracks in the parent-child relationship. Children who have been yelled at for a long time will build a wall in their hearts to block communication with us, and when we encounter difficulties in the future, we will not be able to know and communicate. There is no way to help him, so we must be wary of the so-called silence shown by the child after being yelled.
More importantly, we must also learn to control our emotions and reduce the harm to our children. So, how can we adjust ourselves to be less yelling at our children? Share two practical methods. 1. Detect and relieve inner emotions in time. When we realize that there are signs of bad mood, we should press the pause button in time, such as allowing ourselves to leave for a while, this self-isolation will stop the chain reaction of bad emotions. When your emotions have calmed down completely, you can try to reflect on your emotional problems. There will be more patience when facing the child again. This reduces the probability of yelling. 2. Learn to listen to your child and understand the real motivation behind his actions. We must be good at observing and listening to the child, and understand his emotions and behaviors, so that we can really extinguish the fire of anger in our hearts, so as to guide the child more targetedly.
Finally, I would like to say that we just need to try to do our best, and when we are in a bad state, we don't have to criticize ourselves too much when we get angry with our children or show some negative emotions. We have to learn to accept that I'm not good enough, and as the economist Carl Rogers said, when I accept myself as I am, I can change.
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