"Son-in-law don't go to the grave, go to the grave to insult the ancestors", what does it mean? Why do you say that your son-in-law can't go to the grave?
Do not go to the grave of your son-in-law to avoid the uneasiness of your ancestors"This proverb is widely praised in the rural areas of our country, contains profound cultural connotations, and is worthy of our deep thought.
Why can't a son-in-law go to the grave? This involves our country's long historical traditions and rich cultural rituals.
In ancient China, funeral ceremonies have always been an important family affair, and the etiquette norms are very cumbersome.
It is recorded in the Book of Rites and the Four Systems of Mourning Clothes: "The purpose of the mourner is to mourn the deceased, sympathize with the living, and support relatives to send off the dead." ”
This shows that in China's ancient traditional culture, funerals occupy a crucial position. The son-in-law's status and responsibilities in the funeral are likewise clearly defined.
First of all, it is necessary to clarify the concept that the ancient term "son-in-law" does not refer to the modern spousal relationship, but to the guests in the wife's home.
There is the following record in the "Rites and Funerals": "The son-in-law is the relatives of the bereaved master, and the guests of the master." This shows that in ancient times, sons-in-law played the role of guests in funerals, rather than immediate family members.
Why, then, is the son-in-law not allowed to go to the grave? In fact, this is closely related to the ancient family concept and etiquette system. In ancient times, the concept of family was extremely important, and the honor and dignity of the family were regarded as supreme.
As a guest in the wife's home, the son-in-law is not a direct blood relative, and his status is relatively low, so he avoids lowering the dignity of his ancestors and generally does not participate in the ritual of going to the grave.
The ancient ceremonial system focused on the principle of "respect, inferiority, and order". At funerals, only direct blood relatives are eligible to give the death of their ancestors. The son-in-law's status is relatively foreign, and his status is lower than that of his direct blood relatives, so he is not suitable to participate in the ceremony of going to the grave.
Doing so is contrary to the order of dignity and inferiority in the ancient ceremonial system, and may lead to the destruction of the dignity of the family.
Of course, with the evolution of the times, many traditional customs have gradually faded in modern society, and the phenomenon of sons-in-law participating in grave visits has gradually been accepted by society.
Despite the passage of time, some rural areas still adhere to this ancient adage.
We should respect our personal choices and cultural traditions, and at the same time examine them with a rational eye. In this process, it is necessary for us to absorb the essence of it, discard the dross, and let the traditional culture glow with new vitality in the contemporary society.