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Hello everyone: Welcome to the 100% funny joke collection to make you (high) laugh for a day!
no.1、
My son, who is six years old this year, said to him at noon in order to put him to sleep: "Son, let's play a game, I will be the commander, you will be the guard, and you will listen to my orders." ”
The son is happy because he likes to play games the most. After five minutes of playing, I said to my son, "Guard, the commander now orders you to go to bed." ”
The son said unhappily: "Mom, don't the guards have to stand guard?" ”
no.2、
When I was writing an essay in junior high school, a classmate wrote about his mother and wrote a couplet:
Mother is heaven, mother is earth, and with mother, you can go to heaven and earth.
Mother is the wind, mother is rain, and with a mother you can call the wind and rain.
We all felt pretty symmetrical ......Until the Chinese teacher read it out indignantly and shouted: "Your mother is Sun Wukong!" ”
no.3、
When I heard that my husband was sick, I immediately bought something and went to the hospital to visit him. When my mother-in-law was cooking, I asked him: Are you feeling better? The old man said to me mysteriously: I tell you, in fact, I am deliberately pretending to be sick, recently your mother-in-law dances every day and comes home very late, I am a little uneasy, so I use this method to leave her at home to take care of me...
no.4、
Nowadays, mobile phones and computers are popular with touch screens. A friend sighed: "Now that technology is developing so fast, maybe one day the TV will touch the screen." “
Another friend said, "You're stupid! I don't need a remote control, so I have to walk over and poke my finger? “
Yes, the TV should still be better with remote control.
no.5、
The husband helped his little daughter wash her hair, and asked her meaningfully while washing: "Baby, when Dad is old, will you help Dad wash his hair?" ”
The daughter immediately replied, ".Dad, when you're old, go get a bald haircut!
At that time, I laughed so much, hahahaha, I then asked my daughter: "Then when my mother is old, are you willing to help my mother wash?" “
Unexpectedly, my daughter said, "Mom, I'll buy you a hat like grandma's when the time comes, so that no one can see if you wash your hair or not!" “
Oh, my mom, I'm laughing at me! ）
no.6、
When I was a child, my parents took me to fortune telling, and the fortune teller said that I was a rich idler, and I didn't have to work hard in the future, just sit quietly and have someone hold a ticket to send it. Now that I've grown up, I have to sigh, this fortune teller is really accurate!
No, someone sent me money again, so I took the ticket and put it in the broken bowl at my feet and shouted:
Thank you, uncle! ”
no.7、
In the summer of June, I took the bus with my sister to the park to play, because there were too many people on the bus, my sister opened the window a little, and an old man about 50 next to him yelled fiercely: "I can't blow the wind." ”…Bang, and then shut the window.
My sister was not happy with his attitude at that time, and replied angrily: ".You are ashes, and you will scatter when you blow it......
The whole car laughed!
no.8、
On the weekend, I took my children to the zoo to play, and when I came to Monkey Mountain, my son asked me, "Mom! Look at that monkey a bit like Uncle Bianshang! “
Mother: "Why do you talk like that, people should be angry!" “
Son: "It's okay, the monkey doesn't understand us. “
Kindness? What an operation! Ask for the shadow area of the uncle's heart? ）
no.9、
When I met a child eating ice cream in the elevator, I reminded him with concern, "Be careful not to catch a cold." ”
The child proudly told me that his grandmother lived to be 103 years old.
I was curious and asked, "Is it because of ice cream?" ”
The child said proudly, "No, my grandmother never cares about other people's affairs!" ”
Suddenly, it dawned on me that the secret of longevity is not to worry about it!
no.10、
Before the popular car limit, some people said: "The limit number is boring, there is the ability to limit gender, one three or five men go out, two four or six women go on the street, Sunday is not limited, 1.3 billion people come out 600 million every day, 600 million nests, the car is not blocked, the sky is blue, the wife is relieved to go out, the husband is relieved to go out, the wife is relieved, ** is also worry-free, even the hooligans have no goal!" There is no need to be laid off, and there is no need to build a wall in the middle of the toilet."
……Which one came up with this, it's so talented
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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