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Hello everyone: Welcome to the 100% funny joke collection to make you (high) laugh for a day!
no.1、
During the lunch break, my colleague and I were chatting, and suddenly we talked about the house, and the colleague said: "The house is so expensive now, if I have a piece of land, it is really developed!" ”
I said, "If you have a piece of land, I'll make you a father!" ”
As soon as she finished speaking, the girl at the front desk called out to her colleague: "You have a courier!" ”
Later, throughout the afternoon, my colleague chased me and called him godfather, woo!
no.2、
I heard that my cousin had successfully quit smoking, so I learned from him.
My cousin said: "Alas, I quit a few times before, and I smoked it again in a few days, but this time your sister-in-law said a word, and my brother didn't dare to smoke it anymore." ”
I asked, "What did my sister-in-law say, so powerful?" ”
My cousin sobbed and said, "She said, smoke it, if you quit, I can't explain it if you smell smoke on me one day!" ”
no.3、
The water meter at home was broken, and I called the water company many times to no avail.
One day, on a whim, I called the water company again, and this time I only said, "My water meter is turning upside down." “
Unexpectedly, in less than half an hour, the maintenance master of the water company arrived.
no.4、
In front of the counter of the Lanzhou ramen shop, a beautiful girl was waiting in line. When it came to her, the ramen chef asked, "Do you want thick or thin?" “
The girl replied, "Whatever you want, I'll eat whatever you want." “
As a result, the eldest brother who was eating noodles next to him laughed so much that his snot and noodles choked out!
no.5、
A biology teacher teaches students how to distinguish a wolf from a dog.
Teacher: Dogs wag their tails, but wolves don't.
After the lecture, the teacher wandered around the classroom, looked at the students' class notes, and saw one that read: "Dogs bite tails, but wolves don't bite tails."
no.6、
When I was a child, my parents took me home, and when I was walking, they took me in the middle? I was okay and sang "A chicken on the left hand, a duck on the right hand?" ”
When my dad stared at me, he almost slapped me ......in the mouth
Who knew that the mother then sang "There is a leper ** in the middle, hey, hey-".
no.7、
I have a doctor friend who is a proctology doctor. At a party, he was asked why he chose such a department, and his buddy sighed and said: "At that time, I was still changing departments, and once I had dinner with a few old doctors in the hospital, I asked which department in the hospital made more money, some said surgery, some said orthopedics."
At this time, a respected old director of the hospital said: "Fart! Ophthalmology is the most profitable! ”
So my friend thought to himself, "Look at **, so looking for money?" In the end, he chose the anorectal department, and only then did he know that this old director was the famous machine gun of the hospital - he spoke very fast!
no.8、
The wife complained: "Look at Ma Yun and Ma Huateng are so rich." “
I replied, "That's their name." “
The wife said, "Then you should hurry up and give our future baby a good name!" “
I thought about it: "That's called, how about Ma Yunteng?" “
The girlfriend clapped her hands and applauded: "The names of the two bigwigs are combined, and the son will definitely be rich and noble with this name." “
I slapped my head and remembered that I don't have the surname Ma either!
Hey! You're a fucking talent! 」
no.9、
Teacher: "Students, if you think you're stupid, please stand up." ”
The classmates looked at each other, but they didn't dare to stand up, only one stood up bravely, and the teacher: "This classmate, do you think you're stupid?" ”
Student: "No, teacher, I just don't want you to stand alone!" ”
no.10、
My wife was bitten by a mosquito on her neck, because mosquitoes fly slowly in autumn, so my wife caught the mosquito with a pocket of her hand.
I joked, "Don't kill it, let the mosquito bite and the bag will still make you **, hehe".
My wife listened and pulled down my pants, then threw mosquitoes into my crotch, and said, "I have enlarged my breasts and made you aphrodisiac." ”
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death! 」
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
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