Hello everyone, I'm "little him", welcome to watch the funny joke, after reading this article, you can click "Follow" if you think it's good. He has material and focuses on funny. (Statement: Involved in infringement****, contact to delete).
Edit: "Little Him".
Hilarious and exciting, I am "little him", welcome to watch "Joke Collection".
no.1、
When I got home and was about to eat on the hour, I just saw a new bowl on the side of the stove, which was quite beautiful, and I thought it should be my mother's new purchase, so I washed it casually and picked up the rice.
When I was eating, my mother happened to come back from outside, looked at me in surprise and said, "Why are you competing with our dogs!" ”
I bought this bowl for a dog for a long time, and it made my mom laugh so much at the time!
After the holiday to play games at home, my mother came in to clean up the room, and saw that it was too messy, so she said while cleaning up: "This house makes you so messy, like a pigsty ......."“
Without looking up, I said, "What do you know?" This is called the ...... of heroes out of chaos“
Mom laughed and said, "Hero? You've been in the house all winter, and you're a hibernating bear! “
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death! 」
no.2、
One day, when my brother went to the toilet, there was no toilet paper, so he sent me a text message and said, "Brother, the toilet is out of paper, bring me some paper."
I was playing a game and I replied, "Hmm." ”
As a result, I forgot about it while playing, and after half an hour, I suddenly remembered and ran to deliver a paper to my brother.
As soon as I opened the toilet door, I saw my brother lifting his pants, and I asked, "Don't want it?" ”
The younger brother said speechlessly: "No need, it's already air-dried!" “
Oops, I'm dripping mom,It's already air-driedI'm laughing to death! 」
no.3、
In ancient times, there was "a thousand miles of mother worries"; Today, there is "my mother is sad on the way home".
Husband! Oh no, my son was kidnapped. "My wife ran from the kitchen to the living room and yelled at me! Seeing that she was crying very sadly, I hurriedly asked, "What do you mean, what's wrong?" ”
The wife sobbed and said, "My son has been kidnapped!" ”
Then handed me the phone, and I looked at the text message: "You are Cheng Cheng's parent, don't worry, your son is in my hands." “
I stopped thinking for three seconds, and then said calmly: "Wife, don't worry, at least my son is safe now!" “
The wife cried and said, "Hurry up and call the police, my son, if you have three long and two short, how can your mother live.......
I pondered for less than a second, thinking that the kidnappers were nothing more than asking for money, so I decided to call the kidnappers along this text message first, so as not to tear up the ticket after calling the police, wouldn't it be ......, so I quickly figured out the ** and dialed it, and I was stunned! Isn't this the ** of Master Zhang downstairs, I immediately knew that this was the case.
The more my wife cried, the more sad she became, and asked me if I had gotten through, and I said, "No one answered!" But the son will soon be home safely. ”
After hearing this, my wife was puzzled, cried and screamed again, and clamored to call the police, I quickly said: "No need, my son will be home soon!" ”
As soon as the words fell, the doorbell rang, and the wife got up to open the door, hugged her son and cried bitterly, and the son hurriedly asked, "Mom, what's wrong with you?" ”
The wife said, "Son, you scared your mother to death, let my mother see, the kidnappers didn't beat you." ”
The son said, "Mom, what are you talking about?" ”
The wife said, "Aren't you kidnapped?" ”
The son touched his head and said shamefully, "Who said I was kidnapped?" ”
The wife hurriedly showed the text message to her son, who read the text message, laughed out loud, and explained: "Mom, it's not what you think, after school today, my classmate's father happened to take me by the way, so I asked my uncle to send a text message to my mother to report safety." ”
The wife hurriedly asked, "What the hell is going on?" ”
I explained: "Downstairs, Master Zhang's son is in the same class as our son, and when Master Zhang went to pick up the child today, he picked up our child by the way, and the child was afraid that you would be worried, so he asked Master Zhang to send you a text message: 'You are Cheng Cheng's parent, don't worry, your son is in my hands', but you mistakenly thought that your son was kidnapped after reading the text message." “
After hearing this, my wife was still a little confused, stood up and wiped her tears, looked at the text message again, and read in her mouth: "Master Zhang, by the way, pick up the child, send a text message, and report safety." Suddenly realized: "Oh, that's what happened, this old Zhang, sending a text message almost scared me to death, next time I should remind him to be clearer." “
Immediately my son and I burst out laughing!
Oh, it's been a long day! A bit of humor! It's kind of interesting! 」
no.4、
One day, my father had dinner with a few colleagues, and when I came back, I was drunk, and my mother made a cup of tea for my father to drink some hangover, but my father called my aunt's name, and my mother almost broke the cup, so she tentatively asked my father, why did you call my aunt's name? Dad said: "Auntie is too boring, is it easy for me to save private money?" I borrowed 2,000 yuan, but I still refuse to pay it back, saying that it was more than a month, but now three months have passed, and I am still embarrassed to ask for it. ”
Mom laughed when she heard this!
Dad, it's not easy, it's just Wei Wei to save Zhao).
no.5、
A doctor said to his daughter, "I said that your boyfriend is a guy who has no interest, did you tell him this?" ”
The daughter said: "I told him, he was not angry at all, and it was not the first time that he said that you had misdiagnosed. ”
no.6、
At the end of the month, I overdrafted, and called my mother for help, and my mother chatted with me very happily at first.
When I said that I wanted to borrow some money, my mother sneered: ".Hmph,**I still want to pretend to be my son!
After saying that, he hung up the **.
no.7、
When I was a child, my father began to teach my brother to cook and stir-fry, and he also said to my brother: "A man must learn to cook and stir-fry by himself, and after learning, even if his wife is angry and returns to her parents' house, he will not starve to death." “
Today, many years later, I see my sister-in-law and my mother watching TV outside, peeling melon seeds, while my brother and father are in the kitchen, looking at each other without saying a word, only tears drifting through ......
So, that's why I didn't learn to cook!
no.8、
When they came home from school, a pair of twin brothers excitedly told their mother: "Mom, today our class is going to choose the most beautiful mother, and you have been elected." ”
The mother was happy and asked, "How did you get elected?" ”
The twin brothers said, "My classmates voted for their mothers, and we didTwo votes, so you're elected! ”
no.9、
My mother always thought I was kicking the quilt, and I was tired from going to my room to cover the quilt for me at night, so she forced me to sleep in the same bed with her.
In the middle of the night, I suddenly felt that the quilt was gone, and it turned out that my mother had pulled the quilt away and wrapped it around me. I tugged hard a few times, but I didn't move, and I was about to give up. Mom seems to be awake, touching the ** body is actually slippery, catch me and hit me:"Dead Nizi, tell you to kick the quilt, tell you to kick the quilt!
no.10、
He dragged my brother into my house and said, "Lend me 300 yuan." ”
My brother shook his head and said that there was really no, I said to lend me 300, and pay you back 4000 after the salary. My brother whispered, "Talking counts." ”
I nodded vigorously, and my brother went out.
After a while, he came in with 900 yuan and handed it to me and said, "Remember to pay me back 1200, don't let your sister-in-law know about ......."”
At this time, my sister-in-law came out from behind the air conditioner and took the money, and ordered 300 to me: "Take it and spend it, you don't have to pay it back......”
And this kind of good thing, hahaha, beg my brother's heart shadow area?
---end--- This article is a plain text funny paragraph, only for entertainment, if there is bad guidance, please understand!
If you like it, follow me, more hilarious clips will make you happy every day! ◆
"Dear laughing friends, if you make your laughter out of control, laugh, I hope you can share your laughter in the comment area! >
Thank you to every reader! Thank you to every fan! Thank you!