I am Zhang Wei, a woman who has shattered her peaceful life because of her pursuit of passion. Once, I had a steady and loyal husband, and our married life was uneventful but stable. Inside, however, I always felt that something was missing, and that desire for romantic passion grew like weeds in me. Until I met him, my lover, I thought it was destined love, I thought that by following the guidance of my heart, I could find true happiness.
I made a choice, a path that I later regretted both dreaming and regretting. I betrayed my marriage and left the man who had been silently supporting me. At the time, it seemed like the only path to happiness. But looking back now, I realize that life is not pure black and white, and love is not the only answer.
The days with my lover were at first filled with the passion and romance I once craved. We traveled together, enjoying the sweetness of the world of the two, and every moment was like a scene from a movie, too beautiful to be real. After the divorce, I quickly married my lover, thinking that this was the life I had always dreamed of. But as the passion faded, real problems emerged.
I began to realize that my lover was not as perfect as I thought it would be. He would sometimes lose his temper over small things, and there was less and less communication between us. I used to think that with him, I would always be able to maintain the feeling of excitement when I first met, but time told me that it was only a momentary blur. We begin to quarrel over the trivial things in life, and those inappropriatenesses that were once masked by passions are now becoming more and more apparent.
What hurts me even more is that I began to miss the ordinary life with my ex-husband. That kind of stable and warm day, although there is no passion, but there is a different kind of happiness. I realized that I was missing out on a cherished relationship because I was blindly pursuing passion and ignoring the essence of life.
Soon after I got married, I had more and more conflicts with my lover. I found out that I didn't really know him, and the beauty of the pre-marriage was all my fantasy. He in life is not the person I want to spend my life with. I began to wonder if I had made the right choice and if the passion and romance I was pursuing was really what love was all about.
As time went on, the conflict between me and my lover intensified, and the traits that initially attracted us to each other turned into shortcomings that we could not bear. When the passion recedes, all that is left is endless bickering and mutual incomprehension. One day, I sat alone at home, reminiscing about the mundane and real days I spent with my ex-husband, and a strong wave of regret welled up in my heart.
I began to realize that the dream love I had pursued was actually based on an escape from real life. I ignored the most important mutual in marriage and the list of good authors to understand and tolerate, mistakenly thinking that passion is all there is to love. I forgot that true love is about being tested in ordinary life and taking on responsibilities and challenges together. At this moment, I not only envy the stable married life in the past, but also regret my blindness and impulsiveness. I finally understood that whether it was hurting my ex-husband or being irresponsible to myself, I needed to face and bear the consequences. My heart was filled with mixed emotions, ranging from longing for lost happiness to helplessness and fear for the future.
After deep reflection and inner struggle, I decided to end this unhappy marriage. Although it meant that I would face the pain of a breakup again, I knew that only by letting go would I be able to find my true self and perhaps a chance to find true happiness. I began to try to forgive my past, learn to learn from my mistakes, and approach life with a more mature and rational attitude.
I am writing this confession not to gain sympathy, but to hope that my story will shed some light on those who are in the midst of a marriage decision. True love is not only passion and romance, but also responsibility, understanding and tolerance. Perhaps, I missed the opportunity to walk through the ordinary life with my ex-husband, but I believe that as long as I can learn from the past, I will still have a chance to find my own happiness in the future.
My dream has come true, and I regret it. But life must go on, and I am willing to meet every sunrise in the future with a stronger and wiser heart.