Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection" (Attached: The weather is getting cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm!）
Someone asked me, "How much money do you make in a year?"”
I said, "Four or five hundred thousand." ”
He looked at me with wide eyes and said, "Are you honest?"”
I said with certainty: "Well, I have to multiply 10....”
I sneered: How can there be so many without multiplying ten!
Once when I was eating at a restaurant, the guest next to me suddenly sent a ** and shouted: "Waiter, call your manager!".”
The waiter hurriedly ran over and asked, "Hello, sir!".Is there anything going on?”
The guest pointed to a plate of dishes with chopsticks and said, "You can't bite the meat stewed at home, so bring your manager over."
The waiter said in a panic: "It's useless to call us managers?"You can't bite it, and our manager can't bite either!”
It made everyone laugh in an instant! 」
I've been talking to my girlfriend for almost a week, and I asked her, "Would you like to be my wife?"”
She hesitated for a moment and said, "When your wife wants to do the laundry?"”
I replied, "Yes." ”
She asked, "Do you want to wash the dishes and do the housework?"”
I replied, "Yes, but I'll help." ”
She said with a depressed face: "Then I don't want it, I want to be a junior, just take a bath." ”
I'm dripping motherfuck!I'm laughing to death! 」
It's been almost two weeks of fitness, and every time I come to the coach, I am asked to do repetitive movements, and today I can't help but ask him: "Coach, if I want to attract young girls, what kind of machine equipment do I need to use?"”
Unexpectedly, the coach pointed to the door and said, "Go out and go downstairs and turn left, there is an ATM!."”
Once went on a blind date, the woman fell in love with the man, but the man was not impressed. When the two of them talked about their usual hobbies, the boy longed and said, "I like to find excitement the most in my life!."”
The woman said, "Great!".Marry me!It's a thrill!”
The boy hung his head and said, "I'm sorry!".I like to 'find excitement', not 'get stimulated'!”
The girl yelled: "Get out":
After the boy left, the girl muttered to herself: "I deliberately spent 88 makeup today, and it didn't have any effect at all!."”
A company recruits 100 workers and receives 1,000 resumes, of course the manager will not read them one by one, and then directly takes out 800 copies, and then selects from the 200 copies, the secretary asks curiously: "Manager, are these resumes just thrown away?."What if there are people in it that we need?”
The manager patted the secretary on the shoulder and said, "You remember, no matter what kind of person you are, you need luck, and these 800 people are just unlucky!."”
The intern was in urgent need of money this afternoon, and she was going to borrow 30 yuan from the teacher, so she asked her: "Teacher, do you have 30?"”
As a result, she said, "Guess." ”
Suddenly I was speechless......!
I saw her smile and say to me, "I'm 32 years old!"”
One girl asked me to send her a courier and gave me an empty cardboard box for me to pack. I asked her curiously, "Who is this addressed to?" She said, "A guy I've liked for a long time."
I was puzzled and asked, "But there's nothing in there."
"There are things that only I can see," she said. “
When I heard this, I was even more confused, and asked her mysteriously what it was
"Wishful thinking," she said. ”
Haidilao service you never thought of.
Once, I passed by the door of Haidilao, and the Haidilao brother came over and asked, "Hello, are you going to come in for dinner?"”
I was embarrassed to reply, "No, I'm just passing by." ”
I saw the little brother take out the walkie-talkie and shout: "Passing by!."”
My girlfriend's mother handed me a check: "Give you 1 million and leave my daughter." ”
I took the check and turned to my girlfriend: "Let's break up, I don't love you anymore." ”
The girlfriend was stunned: "Don't you have several hundred million assets?"Why did you break up with me for the sake of 1 million. ”
I replied coldly, "Otherwise, how do you think I made hundreds of millions." ”
Have you ever seen a man in real life who makes a fortune exclusively on girls?」
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