Someone once profoundly explained: "No one can defend an isolated island alone, we are all connected lands in the ocean of human beings." ”
None of us can be separated from the interaction with others, and it is this interaction that allows us to share resources, support each other, and achieve each other. Once the effective communication skills are lacking, individuals are often prone to fall into the unnecessary consumption of social energy, and even have the idea of escaping from the crowd.
In order to successfully avoid the whirlpool of social internal friction, one must practice carefully and do the following three key actions.
Lower your expectations of others
We often sigh, "The higher the balance of expectations, the greater the gap of disappointment." "The best strategy to avoid the emotional shock of disappointment is to lower your expectations moderately.
Our well-being is not only determined by the events we experience, but also by the degree to which our expectations match the actual results. When the actual harvest exceeds the preset expectations, happiness easily fills the heart; On the contrary, it is inevitable to fall into a whirlpool of disappointment.
Imagine if we are expected to be too high in the hearts of others, and if they choose to abandon us after weighing the pros and cons, an undercurrent of resentment and loss will grow in our hearts.
The relationship between people is like a delicate and delicate tapestry, and we cannot mistake each other for an intimate bond based on their sweet words. As the warning saying goes: "The mountains will fall, and everyone will run." ”
If a person is always dependent on the attention and care of others, then this dependence will lead to a helpless predicament.
Only by being strong, learning to be independent, and knowing how to hold up a clear sky for yourself when the wind and rain come, can we truly resist the unprovoked invasion of disappointment, so as to go more stable and long-term.
Don't compete with angry people
In Su Shi's "On Staying in the Marquis", he profoundly elaborated: "When ordinary people encounter insults, they often draw their swords and stand up to resist, but this cannot be called true bravery.
The true brave man in the world can remain calm in the face of sudden changes, and can deal with humiliation without cause, and he is ambitious and far-sighted. ”
True heroes do not just confront provocateurs with the courage of flesh and blood, but are able to deal with conflicts calmly and weigh the severity of the situation.
Think about it, when we encounter an angry person, insisting on distinguishing right from wrong with him is as futile as playing the harp to a cow. The reason for this is that the core of the concern of angry people at this moment is not to distinguish between right and wrong, but to seek vent for anger.
At this time, if you choose to go-for-tat, it will only exacerbate the anger of the other party, and may even bring about an irreparable situation. So, what's the smartest strategy?
The answer lies in a moderate amount of concession to allow the other party to calm down. Wait until the other person has calmed down before communicating, and you will often find that they become more reasonable and easy to understand.
Many times, although we can't directly control the mood swings of others, we can choose to avoid head-on collisions and subtly avoid emotional spikes.
Lao Tzu once said: "If you are bent, you will be straight, and if you are vain, you will be straight." This shows that timely concessions are not out of cowardice, but a higher level of wisdom that allows us to achieve our goals more effectively and achieve harmony.
Let go of flattering others
On the stage of life, there are always people who try to win the favor and recognition of others by catering to their preferences. However, what they end up reaping is often contemptuous glances from each other.
Just as mountain birds cannot go to land and water with fish, the relationship between people is also based on the law of magnetic attraction. If the magnetic field is not compatible, then no matter how hard you try to adapt and integrate, you will eventually seem out of place, and such efforts will not only make you feel deeply wronged, but also invisibly cause resistance and boredom from others.
The most stable and lasting relationship between people is not based on deliberately pleasing people, but stems from the consistency of the three views and the mutual nourishment between them. When a relationship develops to the point where it must rely on "please" to sustain itself, it is actually revealed that there is little value left for the relationship to maintain.
Mr. Yang Jiang once said: "The world is one's own, and it is not directly related to others." ”
With the growth of life experience, people have become more and more aware that blindly pursuing the love of others is just a waste of their own time, and may even make themselves lose themselves in distortion.
Only by living the way you want to live your heart can you truly bring out that shining self and attract those who resonate with you.
For the rest of your life, please don't compromise and don't have to bend to meet your wishes, so that you can live freely and leisurely.
A writer once profoundly elaborated: "In the vast picture of our lives, almost all the elements and colors are intertwined between the warp and weft of human relations. ”
High-quality social relationships are like the sun shining, giving us endless happiness; Poor interpersonal interactions, on the other hand, are like a haze, often bringing unspeakable suffering.
The quality of interpersonal relationships is not only determined by the character cultivation of others, but also by our own emotional intelligence and coping methods. Emotional intelligence gives us insight into people's hearts, and wisdom makes us comfortable in interpersonal interactions.
May you and I be able to persevere in refining our emotional intelligence and wisdom, so that we can draw more nutrients from harmonious and beautiful interpersonal relationships, so that the future journey of life will be brighter and more hopeful.
With this encouragement, we will move forward hand in hand.