I used to think that it would be easier to walk with more friends.
However, after going through many things, we find that the more people we are, the harder it is to make real friends.
You perfunctory me, I deceived you, and a relationship passed away quietly.
I remember a famous person said, "People who want to be friends with everyone are not friends with anyone." ”
Indeed, the inclusion of too many people in one's life is often not a real friendship, but a deliberate communication.
If you end up alone, it is most likely that you have lost your human touch, and the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, and it is also like people drinking water, and they know their own warmth and coldness.
Friendship that goes in one direction will disappear sooner or later. Show actor Tong Monan once said: "Everyone feels that they are a people-pleasing personality, but no one feels that they are really being flattered." ”
Respect is needed in interpersonal interactions, whether it's words, food, gifts, or help. This is the ideal state.
However, what you think of as an interaction is often a one-way street. When you come to your senses, you don't try to please anyone anymore. It's better to please yourself.
Situation 1: You are always pleasing others, but others take it for granted.
For example, Han Yu in the Tang Dynasty, he admired Li Shen's poems and essays, and took the initiative to contact the deputy examiner Lu Wei and recommended him many times.
However, Li Shen was not grateful to Han Yu, but instead ** Han Yu in the court.
This situation is also common in real life, and it is good to help, but it is falsely accused; Or others ask again and again, thinking that you have money and status, so you should help.
Helping, in the eyes of the other party, is your responsibility.
Suddenly a phrase comes to mind: "There must be something hateful about the wretched." ”
When you slowly put away your kindness, your human touch fades. After all, pleasing others is also "lifting a stone to shoot yourself in the foot", and there is no need to do it.
Situation 2: Other people's kindness to you is not what you want.
Some people say: "Wealth recruits friends, and hardship knows confidants." "We want to meet real friends in social situations, and if someone can give us a hand, that's good.
However, when someone pulls you away, you find that what they are giving is not what you really need. The other party's motive for pulling you is not pure enough.
Many years ago, when I was just out of school, I had a relative who had run a wood processing factory and asked me to help. As for how much the salary is, the relatives did not say.
I think that the relationship will not treat me badly.
A month later, the people around me were paid more than 1,000 wages, but I only had a few hundred. But we do exactly as much work.
As the saying goes: "Don't hit relatives when you work, and don't plough people's fields when you plough the fields." "Once you experience it, you understand.
When feelings and interests are involved, you will find that whether it is relatives or friends, it is not easy to get along. It's better to talk directly about interests with strangers.
We will also think, "Buying and selling is not benevolent." "But many deals are unsuccessful, benevolence and righteousness are gone, and even turn against each other.
When you don't have friends, learn to hold an umbrella with others, and don't ask about the ending.
Any kind of relationship, if it wants to become warm and last for a long time, it must go both ways.
See an example on the online platform of "Sanlian Life Weekly".
A girl works outside the home and rents a cheap house.
At night, she had a toothache, so she ordered a medicine on her mobile phone.
The takeaway brother who delivered the medicine hurried to her area, went around several times, and did not find the stairwell of the house.
She took the initiative to contact the little brother and said, "You are waiting at the small supermarket at the door, and I will come downstairs to find you." ”
When the two met, the takeaway brother said vigorously: "I'm sorry, I've been looking for a long time, and it's overtime." ”
Girl: "It's okay, this is an urban village, it's really hard to find." ”
They looked at each other and smiled, and their hearts were warm.
One came from the pharmacy to deliver the medicine, and the other went downstairs to pick it up. Therefore, a small relationship, remembered, may not be forgotten for a lifetime.
After walking through half a life in a hurry, you will find that friends are not eternal, but people who treat each other sincerely at a certain period of time.
Therefore, smart people force their friends to follow, let alone follow them all the way, and are accustomed to "doing good deeds without asking about the future".
Su Shi of the Northern Song Dynasty was demoted because of the Wutai poetry case. Many old acquaintances have drawn a line with him, for fear of being implicated.
When Su Shi went to the state, a friend named Chen Jichang picked up the wind and washed the dust for Su Shi.
They also often drink alcohol and sigh about life. So much so that Chen Jichang's wife was full of hatred and left an allusion to the "Hedong Lion's Roar".
Su Shi stayed at his house in "The Biography of Fang Shanzi". ”
Su Shi left Huangzhou and was activated again, but Chen Jichang did not ask for benefits and continued to live a reclusive life.
In the journey of life, you may choose to walk alone without a companion, but you must have that warmth and kindness in your heart.
For those who have left us, we choose to forgive rather than remember, and not let our hearts be immersed in the pain of parting; And those who come to us, no matter how bad the external environment is, we must greet them warmly and accompany them through a certain journey.
The Japanese writer Haruki Murakami said: "If you don't have anyone around you, then congratulations on your parting, but you can still accept it without resentment, not because of the merits of others, as calm as the ancient well."
One day, you will choose to let go of those so-called faces and no longer allow yourself to be wronged.
One day, you will bury that deep affection in your heart, no longer easily expressed, and your expression will be as calm as the surface of the lake, without a trace of waves.