Recently, Zhihu has come out with a very hot topic, and the topic is about being alone.
It cites the explanation of solitude in the Shuowen Jie Zi, which means "not to be with others".
In hundreds of thousands of posts of discussion, many expressed obvious anxiety;
Probably because I am worried that I will appear "unsociable" and not liked by the people around me if I am alone.
There are also people who worry that after being alone, they will be eliminated by the times because of "isolation from the world".
Therefore, there is some resistance to "being alone".
Both yearning and jealousy, falling into hesitation.
Seeing so many similar voices, I want to say that this is actually a misunderstanding.
Being alone may not be what we think.
2,600 years ago, Siddhartha said that solitude means living in the present moment and observing what is happening in the moment.
Being alone is not an isolated one, but an active choice.
Being actively alone is a precious ability.
Being alone is a good solution to anxiety
A college student who had just joined the workforce posted anonymously on the Internet asking for help, he said:
I work in a technical position, and there are many areas of work that need to be studied.
Originally, he wanted to spend his time after work for research and study;
But the leader told him that he had to keep up with the meals, otherwise it would not be conducive to team building.
He was puzzled: a person's time is limited, and spending time on socializing seems to maintain relationships, but it doesn't seem to be of practical use.
If you want to take a step forward in the workplace, technical level is indispensable.
He didn't want to be an outlier among his colleagues, but he couldn't suppress the growing confusion in his heart, and over time, people became more and more anxious.
This is by no means an isolated case.
The anxiety of modern people is often because they are trapped in various intricate "pseudo-sexual relationships".
In the workplace, you must eat, drink and socialize, otherwise there is no hope of promotion;
Friends should keep in touch with each other, otherwise the relationship will fade;
Noble celebrities should interact with each other from time to time, otherwise how to express admiration and gratitude?
But at some point, do you suddenly feel the urge to find a clean space?
There is no disobedience, no drifting, no stiff smile on your face, only a free and easy self.
The key to unraveling the crux of the problem is precisely – being alone.
There is a well-known lone ranger in the entertainment industry: Pu Shu.
He would travel alone and ride the bus to watch the sunset, and he also stayed at home for a long time to empty himself.
For him, a person, a guitar, and a song are already the fulfillment of life.
When participating in a variety show, his partner invited him to experience the local customs together, his brows furrowed tightly, and his rejection of the excitement was clearly written on his face.
He declined the suggestion to try out the motorcycle, and he didn't want to talk "politely".
He said angrily and helplessly: "The most comfortable thing for me is to be alone." ”
In social interaction between adults, 99% of the effort and investment are useless.
Pretending to be speculative to chat, in fact, is just talking to yourself.
A group of people are perfunctory on the surface, but they are all thinking about their own things in their hearts.
Rather than low-quality socializing, high-quality solitude is preferred.
Losing your attention in too much irrelevant information and spending time on ineffective social interactions is just a waste of life.
Learn to downgrade socially and block out anxiety in solitary spaces to find your true life problem.
Being alone is the secret to broadening your horizons
There are many people who believe that being alone will lead to self-isolation, and then they will not be able to keep up with the outside trend and be out of touch with the times.
Psychologist Kosh defines solitude as:
In a specific time and space, when there is no direct interaction with others, an open, comfortable and enlightened mind. ”
Being alone allows you to slow down, empty your mind of your "experience", and look at things from the outside.
This slightly detached perspective is a great way to stimulate the creativity of the brain itself.
Bill Gates, the former richest man in the world, forces himself to spend two periods of complete solitude every year, which he calls "Reflection Week."
At that time, he would banish himself to a cabin in the forest and spend seven days alone in solitude.
The birth of Internet Explorer, the introduction of tablets, and many of the key decisions were all hatched out of "Thought Week" time.
Great works are often born in solitude.
Zhuge Liang retreated in the grassland, and the situation in the world was insightful, and "Longzhong Pair" came into being.
Hugo locked his coat and umbrella in the cupboard just to control the desire to go out, and in an artificially created solitary environment, "Notre Dame de Paris" was completed in one go.
Dickens would take time to walk more than twelve kilometers on his own every day, an experience and plot that was recreated in his Great Expectations.
Traveling thousands of miles is open-minded.
Being alone allows you to internalize that open-mindedness as a part of yourself and truly broaden your horizons to see the world.
Someone once wondered, "Why do writers like to be alone?" ”
Gao Zan replied: "Perhaps, they just want a pair of eyes to look at reality calmly." ”
Solitude is never a sign of isolation, but a way of living a higher quality.
The book "Deep Work" emphasizes that more than 60% of the working time of knowledge workers in the era of information economy is spent dealing with superficial things.
Not only does this type of work produce limited value, but it also permanently impairs people's ability to work deeply.
Focused activities performed without distractions can push an individual's cognitive abilities to their limits.
A person who is good at solitude must be good at thinking and accepting.
In solitude, there is a key to the inner question, and there is also a code to the future.
Solitude is a process of "self-sexualization".
When Mr. Fan Deng talked about "The Invitation of Existential Psychology", he mentioned that "people can learn to be alone, which represents the growth of self-strength." ”
Loneliness is a good time to grow up, and being alone is the best time for a person to add value.
Su Shi's life was achieved by being alone.
The ups and downs of the official sea, Su Shi back then, suddenly changed from a full house of friends in the capital to an idle person who was not welcomed, and the blow and gap can be imagined.
All the way to exile, all the way to debasement, all the way to exile.
Before he had time to think about it, he had already fallen into a situation of solitude and helplessness.
At first, he passively accepted, looking back on the first half of his life in solitude, and asked for his own strength to refrain from tongue.
Later, he was calm and comfortable, and in the cold and warm world and the noisy world, he took the initiative to use solitude to carve out a square land for himself.
He is alone, clothed and straw shoes in and out of Qianmo, or catching crucian carp and cooking fish soup by the river, or enclosing land to raise trees and plant vegetables for fertilization.
In those days, he used it to study food, known as "eat wherever you go", and Dongpo meat is still talked about.
He spent his time building a few burrows with his own hands, naming them "Snow Hall", which he used to meet his true confidants.
He read at night, copied books tirelessly, and picked up calligraphy that he couldn't take care of when he was busy, and finally became a family of his own.
When everything was silent, he wrote "The lack of the moon hangs the dredging tree, and the leakage of the first tranquility of the people".
Appealing to the pen not only healed himself, but also left behind the thousands of poems and songs that led countless people to bend their waists.
The first half of loneliness is confusion, and the second half is growth.
It was those times alone that made Su Shi fascinating.
The richness of the spiritual world depends on solitude to cultivate, as Zhou Guoping said
The best state of life is abundant quiet, and such a state can only be reached when you are alone. ”
Everyone needs a blank space in their bones, a pause, just like a **, it is with a rest that people resonate.
Next time, when you encounter a party you don't like, please firmly decline it.
When you encounter a relationship that makes you tired, please leave firmly.
There is a myriad of information on the internet, please remember to sift through it.
Live in the moment and ask yourself what exactly you need.
Try to embrace solitude and do anything to make yourself better in the blank space.
The harvest of the spiritual world being enriched and reflected in reality is more charming than any bustle.
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