1 At night, my wife was watching TV, and my husband was playing ** with his colleagues.
When he hung up, his husband said, "Let's choose the junior." ”
The black line on his wife's face came down, and she asked, "Do you like Xiao San very much?" ”
Well, Xiao San looked pleasing to the eye, "My wife slapped her husband and drove her husband out of the house."
My husband sat outside the door and covered his face, and said aggrievedly: "Choosing a font size for typesetting, who am I messing with......”
2 An elderly couple who are reluctant to cook, they play cards to decide who loses and who does, and use objects in life as cards.
The old man took out a pair of hoes and put them on the table and said, "A pair of sevens; The old woman took out two gourds and said: One pair of eight;
The old man took out two eggs and said, "A pair of eggs," and the old woman took out a pair of tongs and said, "A pair of sharp eggs;
The old man grabbed the two ducks and said, "One against two", and the old woman hugged her grandchildren and put them on the table and said: "A pair of imps;
The old man hugged the old woman on the table and sat down on it himself, saying, "A pair of big ghosts." Then the old woman suddenly laughed, she let out a fart and said: Bomb! Then the old man lost and went to cook.
3When a hungry wolf forages for food, he hears a woman training a child: If you cry again, you will be thrown out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited outside the door until dawn, and sighed: "* Women in the world are **!"
4 Dumb to participate in a large company recruitment, has passed 4 rounds of interviews, the results have not been decided, to participate in the 5th round of interviews, finally can't hold back the anger, at the end of the interview, Dumb: Do you want me?
Interviewer: Student, can you go back and wait for the news, we will inform ......
Dumb (8 degrees high): Do you want me?!
Interviewer: Our process is like this, we will bring the results of this round of interviews back to the company for research, and then we will ......
Dumb (growls): Do you want me!!
Interviewer (8 degrees from the bottom of the voice): Yes, yes, yes. (making a gesture of comfort with one hand) classmate, don't shout, okay?!
5 Yesterday I asked a big boss, "Now that business is sluggish, everyone is under a lot of pressure, how are you sleeping?" ”
He replied: Sleep like a baby.
I said: worthy of a master. You can still sleep this way!
He was silent for a long time and said: Hey, I often wake up in the middle of the night, cry for a while, and then fall asleep .......Sleep for a while and cry again.
6Today, our family finished eating and chatting. My mother: Son, it's 24, don't be playing, hurry up and find a partner, let's get married. Me: What's the hurry, I'm only 24, and I can play for a few years. At this time, the little sister next to me suddenly said, brother, if you play for a few more years, won't that sister-in-law let others play for a few years? I .....So, I feel like I'm going to get married sooner!
7 My mobile phone is out of battery, so I take the room to charge it, and I go to the kitchen to stir-fry food for my relatives who come to pay New Year's greetings. I went to take a look at my phone again, and found that Da Ge had called a few ** half an hour ago, and sent two WeChat messages: "Brother, come on, I'm drunk and sitting on xx street, and a few vicious dogs surround me!" The other was: "Brother, don't use it, I vomited all over the ground, and they got drunk after eating."
8 A man went to the bookstore to buy a book and asked: "Happy Married Life" is **? Clerk: The book belongs to the fantasy category**, in the first row. Men: What about "The Way of Getting Along with Husband and Wife"? Clerk: The book belongs to the martial arts category**, in the second row. Men: "The Essentials of Financial Management and Home Purchase"? Clerk: That's delusional syndrome, psychopathy, in row eight. Men: "A man should be the head of the family"? Clerk: What are you kidding, we don't sell fairy tale books here!
9 There was a brother who was usually very heroic, but he was very shy about the girls he liked. Finally, under the pressure of our brothers, I confessed to the girl. He hesitated for a long time, and the girl was a little impatient, and asked: What is the matter with you? Then this brother didn't know which tendon was broken, and finally said: Please take care of it!
10 When I was in school, I fell out of love, and sadly told the news to my lesbian table, she jumped up and clapped her hands happily when she heard it, and I couldn't help but ask: I am out of love, you are so happy, do you like me?
The lesbian table suddenly calmed down and said: Don't don't, don't get me wrong, it's my brother who likes that girl.