1Early in the morning, I was in a sweet dream when I was kicked by my wife and woke up: "Quick, hurry up and get up and cook!" ”
I rubbed my sleepy eyes, "Why me?" You are on duty today, have you forgotten the rules and regulations of our family! ”
But today is '38 Women's Day'! The wife said loudly.
Alas, I had to reluctantly get up from the warm bed to make breakfast.
2 had a fever, went to the hospital for an intravenous drip, ** pricked several times and was crooked, he said apologetically: Brother, I'm sorry, I'm new to the internship, seeing that she looks weird and cute, I waved my hand: It's okay, it's okay. The bleeding uncle next to him said, "I didn't stab you again, of course you're fine!"
3 chatting with **, I almost believe that I have a wife and children!
Once**called me**, saying that my card was stolen in a different place, and I said, "No problem, that's the second wife I raised in the field".
The next day**call me**, saying that he was a detective invited by my wife to check on my junior, and I said, "Impossible, my wife has been taking my children in her hometown".
On the third day, **call me**, saying that Dan'er was kidnapped by them....
That's it, chatting with **, I almost believe that I have a wife and children!
4 Other people's golden retrievers are all smart and well-behaved, and they solve problems for their masters.
Just our golden retriever, a dumb dog, went to the door with me, and actually ate all the cat food of other cats, and then burped for half an hour under the cat's angry gaze.
5 "I'm going to stop the car and wipe my front windshield. ”
Dad, where did you get the windshield of this battery car? Dad stopped the car, took out his handkerchief, and wiped his glasses.
6 In an open-air market in Sichuan, an out-of-town tourist tried to bargain in the Sichuan dialect for the first time. His dialect sounded so funny that even the seller couldn't help but laugh. After being amused, the seller not only gave him a discount, but also taught him a few words of authentic Sichuan dialect. This exchange became a heartwarming little story in the market.
7 In late autumn, I went out shopping with mm, in the evening, the weather was already a little cold, mm said cold, I followed the example of a man on TV, took off my coat and gave mm to wear, mm also said it was cold, I took off my sweater to mm to wear ......
As a result, a kettle appeared on the road, and a bamboo pole walked there!
8 Me: Today, I looked at health and found that the stone is good, and it has a very strong key preservation function.
Wife: Really? That's great, I love flat food, isn't it dumplings!
9 My friend has been unemployed for a long time, and once we met, I asked him, "What have you been busy with lately?" ”
He was embarrassed to say that he had been unemployed, so he said, "I'm in the import and export business." ”
I asked, "What to import?" ”
What does grain "export?" ”
Fertilizer "10 sisters want to get a fitness card, look around, a five-star hotel in Beijing is the best, the disadvantage is expensive, 2w8 a year. She didn't want to do it, but after the sales told her the story of more than 200 ordinary women who worked out here and married into a wealthy family, she had already given money.
11And a hungry man went to the garden of a rich man, and there was a broad lady in the garden, and in order to gain her sympathy, the hungry man lay down on the ground and ate grass. Sure enough, the wife was attracted and asked the hungry man, "What are you doing?" The hungry man said, "Madam, I have not eaten for a week, and now I eat grass and cushion my stomach, and I am so hungry, ma'am." So the lady took him into the garden, and the hungry man thought that she was going to give him something to eat, but the lady said, "How can this be done, how can the grass outside be compared with the grass in my garden, and my grass is much more tender than the grass outside!" ”
12 met a very beautiful girl at the ** meeting today. We chatted for a few minutes and left each other's mobile phone numbers. Towards the end of the meeting, she said her phone was out of battery and borrowed my phone to use it. I happily lent her my phone. When I got home, I wanted to send her a text message and found out that she had deleted her number from my phone.
13. Why should women be embarrassed by women!
A little girl called ** to the radio station and wanted to order a song for her mother, host: Why do you want to order a song for your mother? Little Girl: Mom works hard every day, and she can't rest well on weekends, so she has to find all kinds of homework for me. And take me to various tutors. The host was very touched and said that she was very sensible and a good child of her mother, so she asked what song to order?
Little girl: "Why should women be embarrassed by women." ”