1 I signed a girlfriend's autograph, and I died laughing!
Although it is easy to eat, it is not easy, and eat and cherish. ”
To this day, I am to blame, fat is fat, and it has nothing to do with anyone! My gluttony is not forgivable, and it is difficult to lose the fat I have caused, but I want to lose it, and I have to lose it, and this is my life after today. As for myself, I have taken the blame for myself, and I hope that I will not gain weight again in the future. ”
2 I've been in a bad mood lately, and I've been listening to songs on a loop for the last time last night. Over and over again until tears run through the corners of your eyes!
My girlfriend woke up and saw that my face was full of tears, and she panicked: What's wrong with you?
I sighed and looked at my girlfriend: I failed to invest!
She was stunned, and then rushed over and hugged me tightly: It's okay, let's work hard to make money together in the future, I won't buy anything on Double 11!
I watched her clear all the shopping carts, let out a long sigh, and saved another half a year's salary!
3. Listen to a friend. Thirty nights, drinking with his colleagues, the two of them got into a fight, their faces were painted, and the next day they woke up and regretted it, and their friends felt that they couldn't go away, so they apologized for drinking, but the two drank too much, and brought up yesterday's incident, and they fought again!
4 The mother told her daughter that there are three kinds of men who cannot marry: one is perfume-wearing; One is a chewing gum lover; One is wearing slippers. The daughter didn't understand, and when she was about to ask, her father chewed gum and wore slippers, passing by, leaving a burst of aroma.
5 I went on a blind date today, and I saw that the girl on the blind date was very beautiful, so I was nervous all of a sudden.
At first, I couldn't find anything to say, and after being embarrassed for a long time, the girl spoke: "You look quite handsome." “
I was so nervous that I casually said, "You're blind." ”
6 My wife and I had an awkward quarrel and slept in a small room. She took a pair of big scissors and cut a big hole in my mosquito net and said, "Let the mosquitoes bite you!"
After about an hour, my wife came with transparent glue and glued the mosquito net that had just been cut together!
My heart, this touched, I think that my wife is a knife mouth tofu heart, and I still feel very sorry for myself!
I was about to say something, but she said to herself: the mosquitoes are almost inside, don't let them escape.
7. What is the reason for the leftover women of the older age?
First, many girls are bent on marrying into wealthy families, picking and choosing, and with the passage of time, they slowly become older leftover girls; The second is that life is under great pressure and I am busy with my career all day long, so I have passed the best age for love!
8 A man came to a strange place, he wanted to know what the name of the place was, and a little girl happened to come, so he touched the little girl's head and asked, "Little girl, can you tell me that this is **?" ”
The little girl flashed her eyes and said politely, "Uncle, this is my head!" ”
9 I saw that it was said on the Internet that men would become bad if they were rich, so I asked my husband: If you have money in the future, will you not want us two of you? The husband immediately replied: How come? That's impossible. I was satisfied with his attitude and was about to praise him. He went on to say: With you loser, I can't be rich!
10When there were only two pieces left in the cake, the son asked, "Mother, shall I eat two?" The wife said, "Of course!" He took a piece and put it in his mouth, cut the remaining piece into two pieces with a knife, and said to him, "Eat your two cakes!" ”
11 At noon, a beautiful woman went to withdraw money, and after inserting the card, she found that the man behind her was staring at her, and her heart was tight, and she didn't even take out the money after entering the password a few times.
angrily yelled at the man behind him: "What to see, what to see, do you want to rob?" ”
The man in the back didn't show weakness: "I just want to see how much money you can take out if you insert your ID card in."
12The son asked his mother, "What is a girlfriend?" ”
Mom said, "If you grow up to be a good boy, you're going to get one." ”
Son: "What if I'm not a good boy?" ”
Mom: "You're going to get a lot of them." ”