1. When I tutored my son with homework, my husband raised his hand and was about to hit my son, I said, "The child should focus on persuasion and education." ”
My husband put down his hand and said, "Come, dad will tell you." You see your father, he studied very seriously since he was a child, and he was admitted to a prestigious university before marrying your mother's ......Forget it......”
Me: "Why didn't you tell me?" ”
Husband: "I think it's scaring the child." ”
2A: Why have you been so decadent lately?
B: People always laugh at me.
A: If you want to be open, life is like an angry bird, when you fail, there are always a few pigs laughing!
3 Chinese New Year, my wife gave me 1,000 yuan for the New Year. I made a little concession according to the traditional Chinese customs, just a moment. My wife actually took it back, and said not to pull it down, and I will talk about ......it next yearMoney in hand, boiled duck...Fly!
4. The old lady in the next bed was not happy to see that there was no liquid for her, and asked me why I didn't give her an infusion? I said you don't need it, just lose once a day, others lose because of their illness! She was still unhappy and said, you are treated differently, and you are pulling and pulling. Later, there was no way, so the doctor asked me to give her a bottle of glucose to calm down. The old lady said, that's right, if you don't give me a loss, I feel like I'm hopeless!
5 School started, my sister went to cut a short hair yesterday, because the weather is hot, and it is convenient for military training. On the way from the dormitory to the library, I suddenly heard three boys discussing me: "Do you think that person is male or female?" "And that's not all! The sister rushed over and pointed to her chest and roared, "Open your dog's eyes to see if the old lady is male or female??" The boys looked at it and trembled in fright: "Brother, we are wrong!
6 Mom has a birthday today, and the two children want her to stay in bed. She smelled wafting out of the kitchen.
The enticing aroma of meat, happily waiting for the children to bring her breakfast.
After a while, however, the children woke her up, and when she came out, she saw only two children.
Sitting at the dining table, each with a ** ham egg in front of them. One child said to her, "That's it."
It's our gift to you – we cook for ourselves. ”
Teacher 7: "Prove in one sentence that you are a scumbag." ”
Xiao Ming: "If you look at my grade ranking, you can see how many people took the test....”
Teacher: "Get out!" ”
8 At noon, the family was eating, and they were almost finished.
My dad said, "Wait, I have something to tell you." I looked pretty serious, so I put down the dishes and chopsticks.
My dad said, "I have two mouthfuls left, and I'll tell you when I'm done."
My dad wiped his mouth after eating and said, "Whoever eats slowly washes the dishes."
I ......Dad, you want me to wash the dishes, just say it!
9Yesterday, my cousin's daughter-in-law gave birth to a big fat boy, and one of our big families came to visit, and the second cousin looked at the sleeping child and said, "Son, sleep." There are 6,558 days left before the college entrance examination."
As a result, his daughter-in-law's smile cracked, and he was sent to the operating room again, and now he was beaten like a pig's head by his parents, father-in-law, and mother-in-law, squatting in the corner and thinking about life.
10 "Boss, how do you sell this leather coat?" ”
358.I've got 70 bucks on me, sell me. ”
Seeing that you are quite sincere, I will sell you! ”
Now, it's 100, let's get change. ”
Brother, I don't have any change on me, otherwise, you can take another leather coat. ”
11 "I have a friend who lost 7 pounds in one day! ”
So powerful! How? ”
She gave birth to a baby yesterday......”
12Why do monkeys love to climb trees?
A monkey finds a mobile phone in the forest.
Curiously, he pressed a button, and the phone immediately turned into a big mouth.
Hello, I'm a smartphone. I can answer your questions. ”
The monkey excitedly asked, "So, why do monkeys love to climb trees?" ”
The phone replied: "Because there are bananas in the trees." ”
The monkey smiled with satisfaction: "Haha, it turns out that I was looking for bananas!" Then I can ask you directly, are bananas in**? ”
The phone smiled and said, "Bananas are in the supermarket." ”