The sea of people is vast, no matter who you meet, it is fate.
However, some people get along well, and some people make you feel like you're on edge.
For the same thing, some people are handy, and some people are bitter.
The same sentence, when spoken from different people's mouths, has a very different effect.
This is the result of different emotional intelligence. Obviously, the lower the emotional intelligence, the shallower the fate; People with high emotional intelligence have "stickiness" in interpersonal communication.
Generally speaking, a person's emotional intelligence is very low, as can be seen from the following four points.
First, raise the bar: always resist others and make people uncomfortable.
No two people are the same in life. Even siblings will have different views and different development of life because of their different growth experiences, knowledge, and perceptions of society.
People with high emotional intelligence will respect the differences between people. Because of the differences, we can better "complement each other's advantages and learn from each other's strengths".
People with very low emotional intelligence deliberately magnify the problem of "disagreement between the three views" and resist the ideas of others. In other words, it is deliberately finding fault. He thought that as long as he found the "difference", he could become a "handle", or make fun of it, or reject it.
Let's say two friends go to the exhibition and see an ancient sword at the same time. Friend A said, "This sword is soft, but sharp. Amazingly, the sword did not rust. ”
Friend B said, "Such a soft sword, with a little use, will curl the mouth; There is no rust, but it has been polished by later generations, which is nothing. ”
Obviously, diametrically opposed views embody the characteristics of "mutual consumption and mutual disputes".
The thing itself has not changed, it is just a different speech, which is uncomfortable. It was a pleasure to visit, but it turned out to be a failure.
does not respect other people's opinions, but also-for-tat, it seems to be verbal communication, but in fact, it is verbal aggression against others, and low emotional intelligence can be seen.
Second: offside: meddling in other people's affairs and managing too widely.
Whether it is in the workplace, family, or society, everyone must find their place.
As the saying goes, a good horse deserves a good saddle.
If a person has a good position, he can be like a tiger; If you lose your position, you can't do anything. Therefore, people with high emotional intelligence will not only consider their position, but also often correct the deviation of their position, and can also give up the position that is not suitable for them.
People with low emotional intelligence don't know much about their position, and they also like to "go over and do it".
In the Spring and Autumn Period, Qin Mugong appointed Baili Xi as Xiangguo and Gongsun Zhi as the doctor.
One day, the Jin and Qi kingdoms sent envoys to visit at the same time. Major events have attracted the attention of ministers. Gongsun Zhi came uninvited and walked to the banquet.
Qin Mugong said: "This doesn't seem to be your duty, right? Did Baili Xi send you? The work of ministers can be rotated at any time, and they will be laughed at by other countries. You'd better go back. ”
In the workplace, we always see the "work schedule". In other words, everyone should compare ** and understand what they want to do. For the work of colleagues, you can kindly remind and help, but you can't replace it.
In the family, the husband has to earn money, the wife has to be the housekeeper, and the children have to study. Parents should not be allowed to go to school instead of their children.
When friends are friends, many things can help each other, but there must be measure. For example, if a friend quarrels with a lover, you can't replace your friend and confide in your "lover".
If you don't know your own position and meddle in other people's affairs at will, you have a good heart, and you have become a "donkey's liver and lungs", and you are bored.
Third: Mouthy: As soon as you open your mouth, there is no meaning to stop.
Some people, talking like a machine gun, won't stop at first. It was originally a one-minute topic, but it was a topic for an hour, and everyone who heard the topic was very impatient.
For example, in the community, a certain grandmother pulls you to chat, and she repeatedly says things that can be clearly explained in three or five sentences, and she repeats them, upside down, which makes you very disgusted. For the sake of face, you are not allowed to respond with a sentence or two.
On many occasions, there are misunderstandings between people. If you always explain, repeat that you are "right". Instead, they will fall into the embarrassment of "unreasonable".
At any time, too much talk is a curse. If you encounter someone who can't keep your mouth shut, you should stay away. Otherwise, he will "pour beans from a bamboo tube" at any time, hurt your ears with words, and create a lot of groundless rumors.
Fourth, stubbornness: do not listen to the advice of others, often self-righteous.
Mencius said: "The trouble of man is to be a good teacher." ”Sound advice allows you to correct your mistakes, change direction in time, and keep your head above water.
People with very low emotional intelligence think that other people's advice is "not good for themselves", so they will not listen to it. His own thoughts were clearly wrong, but he did not repent.
It is recorded in the Spring and Autumn Period of the Lu Family: There is a rich man named Gao Yangying who wants to build a house. The craftsmen suggested that the wood was not dry and would be crushed if wet soil was added.
Gao Yangying said: "If the wood is not dry, it will be heavy, which is a sign of firmness; If it's so strong, why did it collapse? ”
The craftsmen could only build the house according to the owner. When the house was about to be built, it collapsed.
There is a saying that if you don't listen to the old man, you will suffer in front of you.
Everyone is engaged in a different industry, and there is a specialization in the art industry. You can't use a layman to guide an insider, it's a thing that puts the cart before the horse.
Everyone should have their own direction and insist on doing something, but not to reject all the suggestions, but to synthesize the suggestions of others and carefully consider them.
I like the idea that "IQ determines your lower limit, and emotional intelligence determines your upper limit." ”If a person wants to go to a high place, he must constantly improve his emotional intelligence.
First, stabilize your emotions, avoid anger, indifference, ignorance, excessive enthusiasm, etc., be able to calmly judge and analyze things, and consider the consequences and responsibilities of words before speaking.
Second, read more books to improve your understanding of society and avoid saying things that are not marginal. Knowing is knowing, not knowing is not knowing, don't force others to agree with you, and don't think that you are "all right".
Third, respect the differences of society and tolerate others. When your heart is relaxed, your words will be soft, you will not hurt others, and you will be able to be "lubricated" when socializing.
From today onwards, be a person who makes others comfortable, socializes happily, and does things smoothly.