1 There was a strange call on my husband's mobile phone, and my wife grabbed it and answered it, only to hear a delicate female voice say, "Why haven't you come to me for so long?" ”
The wife threw the phone to her husband in anger and made a big noise.
In order to calm his wife's anger, her husband had to accompany her to go shopping and buy the bag she had always wanted.
When I got home, I saw my wife's ** ringing, I picked it up, only to hear a woman inside say: "Is the bag in hand?" ”
2 daughter-in-law is usually very lazy, most of the housework is done by me, but I have saved a lot and then done, these days the daughter-in-law does not know which tendon is wrong, has become particularly diligent, the kitchen pots and pans brushed again, the floor is mopping bright, the clothes are also washed clean, the bed and wardrobe are also neat! As expected, this morning, the mother-in-law and the father-in-law came!
3 When my wife returned to her parents' house on Sunday, I thought I could sleep freely, and when I got up, I teamed up with my friends to play games, but when I got up, I found a note left by my wife on the bedside table: Honey, the power is out today, you wash those dirty clothes with your hands, and clean them again.
When I saw that there was no electricity, I said that it would be good to do some work, and I could still exercise.
In the afternoon my wife came back and smiled contentedly at the fruits of my labor, and then I watched as she closed the switch.
4 Roommate A: If you are ugly, you should read more.
Roommate B: What if you don't want to read the book?
5 The food delivery brother arrived late again, and I was about to go crazy, but I saw my ex-girlfriend on the side. Thinking of what we used to do, and thinking of how good she was to me, I was ashamed that my anger seemed to have no reason to vent. Her eyes swept over the messy room: "Look at you, without me, you're a kennel......."Then he began to clean up the room, and at this time the delivery boy put down the food and left the ......angrily turned around and scolded: Scumbag!
6. In class, the dentology teacher asked a student, "What is the last tooth in the human mouth?" ”
The classmate replied, "It's dentures!" Teacher. ”
7. Yesterday, my wife drove to my father-in-law's shop. When I arrived at the door of the store, because the rain was too heavy, I couldn't see the road clearly and hit the butt of the old man's car. My wife is afraid of her father-in-law's jokes, so let me not squeak. When I left, my father-in-law saw a pit in the front of my car, so he counted down my wife: "How do you usually drive, the paint is all gone, and there is a pit!" My wife: "Dad, I inherited your driving skills, how do you usually drive, there is also a pit behind the butt of the car, and the paint has hit the ......."Forget it, let's fix it together, I'll pay for it! ”
8There is a ramen restaurant next to our company, and business is very hot. There are many people who eat noodles at noon one day. At this time, a migrant worker came in and shouted to the boss: "Pull a bowl of noodles for me." The boss said, "You have to stretch the thick and the thin".This man was quite talkative, and said, "Whatever, I eat whatever you pull. "After waiting for a while, the noodles haven't come up yet. The man asked again: "The dough is not pulled out, hurry up." The boss said, "Don't worry, I'll pull it out right away." ”
9 wanted to fart during the meeting, but he was afraid of being heard, so he deliberately dragged the chair to make a sound, but he accidentally fell down and let go of the fart.
Then I heard someone behind me, what a cow, let out a fart and blow yourself up!
10Son: Can you not brag? Dad: What's wrong? Son: Did your mother find out the private money you hid under my piggy bank? Dad: You kid want to see your dad laugh? Son: I didn't want to see you laugh. Dad: It's not a joke, you just saw it, what are you asking? Son: You only have nine yuan, why do you have to hide twenty? All my money was confiscated.
11 I hope you dumped me after splitting my legs, and I worked hard from then on to reach the pinnacle of life.
When I saw my best friend's signature today, I almost didn't die of laughter, is there a scumbag?
I want to fall in love with you, I hope your sweet words will coax me into a ghost, and then you split my legs, I am heartbroken, and I will work hard from then on and go to the peak of my life.